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In this post, "John-Lloyd" will be used as a verb and/or adverb (grammar Nazis feel free to correct me please) to refer to how the actor John Lloyd Cruz referred to his public persona in the edition of People Asia Magazine (?). According to John Lloyd Cruz the actor, his public persona is something he values and takes care of as that is how he is `packaged.' Essentially, this `packaging' is something he treasures and consistently attends to.
John-Lloyd will then be synonymous to how one SHOWS / PRESENTS himself to whoever he deems important for his survival (be it emotional/financial, psychological etc.).
This `showing' and `presenting' trumps everything else - specially the truth - since what is important is how a person skillfully makes you believe what he wants you to believe.
Your positive perception of him (as according to what he wants you to perceive about him) is his end goal.
John-Lloyd is also synonymous to the process of convincing someone to believe what he wants you to believe. Similar to the way a credit card marketer is convincing you to acquire a card, the same way a promodizer wants you to buy chocolate-flavored milk, the same way a priest wants you to believe about God and/or the salvation of your soul.
Use John-Lloyd in a sentence.
e.g.
"Sabi mo walang bukas na imburnal dito, ba`t ako nahulog? Jina-John-lloyd mo bako?"
(Putting me on; Niloloko)
"Hoy Asiong, hinahanap ka ni Eva nung umaga, ni Lorna nung hapon, saka ni Fe kagabi. Nagpapaka-John-Lloyd ka na naman ba!?"
(Feeling too sexy for only 1 "love")
Him: Sorry na. Wala na talaga kami ni Foofa.
Her: Eh bat tumatawag pa sya sayo?
Him: (Smiles sheepishly while running his hand through his hair) Ang John-Lloyd ko daw kasi eh.
(Pogi, adorable, charming, charismatic)
Take note though that the term John-Lloyd need not be explicitly used in a sentence yet still denote John-Lloydiness.
One example is a line from the movie Unofficially Yours:
The scene is where Mackie is telling Ces all about Singapore and volunteers to get her a ticket after learning that she will be going to SGP without him. Her going away signals the end of their FWB-relationship.
Ces: Stop being so nice!
Mackie: Ganto lang naman ako kasi mahal kita.
As shown by Mackie's line, the process of convincing - in this case that he is being loving - uses tactics such as guilt and manipulation. The point is for the attention to be put on you so you will fail to see what he is doing to manipulate your feelings.
So what should you do if someone is doing a John-Lloyd on you?
1 STOP
My best suggestion is for you to not believe what he is saying.
But, we all know that when someone tells us "Don't!" we usually go the opposite route and "Do."
Admittedly, not believing what he is saying is is easier said than done specially when you so want to believe everything he is saying because you're invested in the relationship.
So simply accept the fact that you want to believe him.
Accept your desire of wanting to believe him.
Allow yourself to feel the desperation of wanting to believe all of what he is saying.
Doing this helps get your anxiety out of the way.
Once you put your anxiety aside, you have nothing else to do but
let the burden of proof come from him not you.
If you find yourself rationalizing the reasons of why you believe him, STOP!
Rationalization is your way of convincing yourself something which your body knows is untrue but your mind wants to believe as true. When you catch yourself rationalizing away anything, you are doing a John-Lloyd/you're putting the charm on/ you are deceiving You.
2 Look
Look carefully at what you're rationalizing about. What is it that you are telling yourself and want to accept as true?
e.g.
"He only did it because he's sad and lonely."
"He really didnt mean it, he was just at the lowest point in his life."
"He'll change. I know he will. I'll help him, I'll make him, I'll save him."
Honey, if you have to convince yourself of something, you highly likely do not believe it in the first place - though you want to. But you also know deep down that you dont have to.
3 Listen
Listen NOT to what he is saying.
For a change, listen to what your body is telling you. Doing this helps you to not be lured by his charm, his smile, his touch, his cuteness, his adorableness and everything-else-ness.
Act on your knowledge and awareness. Minus your beliefs, your desires, your illusions, what everybody else thinks, what everybody else says, what your mind is telling you,
you know what's best for you. This knowledge comes from clarity and simplicity. It does not come from your head or your heart alone. It comes from working out all the emotional muck, conditioned thought process, belief systems you have claimed and considered as your own but really isn't.
It comes from being honest with yourself. When you are honest with yourself, it is easy for you to detect falseness from others. This gives you the strength to see through and not be swayed by the powers any John-Lloyd does on you.
But the key is, you really have to intend to be true to you. Only then could others be true to you.
Unless, you really want someone to do a John-Lloyd on you, go ahead. But when you do, ask yourself, "Why?"
Remember no one, not even a thousand John-Lloyds, can exert power over you unless you let him.
When his powers of persuasion is trumping your good old common sense,
when you're tempted to give in,
when you're blinded by the treasures he is offering,
when your illusions are seemingly coming true right before your eyes, do not forget that that these are all smokes and mirrors;
say out loud, say out clear:
YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME,
own this. Heed this. Know this as true.
and feel his energy dissolve right before your eyes.
It's not only because of Angel Locsin's sultry bod
or John Lloyd Cruz's charisma and charm
though these helped.
It also helped that 5 of us trouped to the theater to watch it,
though technically it actually didnt because we didnt buy our tickets and instead availed of Star Cinema's free movie passes.
It also helped that the movie started with the action scenes first.
By action scenes in this day and age, because of Arnold Schwarzenegger's retirement as well as FPJ's death, actually means sex scenes.
By sex scenes in this day and age, because Seiko Films is virtually non-existent in our mainstream local movie world, actually means SPG-13 wholesomeness.
It also helped that John Lloyd and Angel look so good together.
It also helped that the film is a date movie targeted towards the youth, young couples as well as pseudo-couples - as the movie's creators assumes most are in this day and age
as evidenced by one of the lead star's pseudo-relationship with footballer Phil Younghusband;
and the Tumblr posts of those who watched Unofficially Yours all of whom swear by their lovelives that the movie is an audio- visual tribute to their love lives.
No wonder the long line of people we saw in Trinoma waiting to watch the movie were young couples.
Whether they were looking forward to be entertained or inspired I could only guess.
Unofficially Yours' aim, like all Star Cinema movies, is to be aspirational.
Who doesn't want to see 2 gorgeous people boinking on a large screen and hearing them spout lines we usually hear (or want to) in our real life.
As proof, seated at my right were 2 women reacting emphatically to the movie's lines:
““Aminin mo na Cess.” “Bakit ganun? Bakit parang hindi ka nag-sasawang masaktan?” “Hindi naman. Hindi lang ako napapagod magmahal.” “Hindi ka napapagod?” “Eh paminsan-minsan. Napapagod din, syempre.” “Oh bakit ayaw mong tumigil?” “Bakit ako titigil? Pwede naman akong huminto sandali.” “Kahit ilang besas ka ng umasa? Masaktan?” “Oo.” “Naniniwala ako na may nakalaan na tao para sa bawat isa sa atin.”
Anong masama sa sabaw? Masustansiya naman. - John Lloyd Akala mo kung sinong malaman, sabaw lang naman. - Angel Locsin
“Sa isang daang libong bagay na pinipilit, may isang bagay diyan na hindi mo kayang tanggihan.” -Mackie Galvez
Love? Lilimitahin ka lang niyan. Ang dami-daming magagawa kung hindi ka lilimitahan sa love na ‘yan. Higit sa lahat, paiiyakin ka lang niyan.
The reel lives of Angel and John Lloyd's characters cathartically fulfilled what the audience - and even Angel Locsin - could only hope for in their real lives,
with a song to match their current emotional state: "If You Asked Me To."
Is it just me or isnt Angel Locsin waiting to be asked too?
Because Unofficially Yours is a mainstream movie, it made it easy for Angel and John Lloyd to go beyond fuck-buddies.
The movie assumes that you do not want to see Angel or John Lloyd be dark, edgy and unromantic because life is already dark, edgy and real. The movie thinks you want and need to be lulled to believe and see the romance, illusion of a happy-forever-after after consistent casual sex.
Thus the (1st) reason why the movie is a box office hit.
Who doesn't want to see a friends-with-benefits dynamic evolve to real love?
I'm not the only one who thinks a FWB pseudo-relationship is unhealthy, right? Who in their healthy mind and heart wants to be someone's fuck buddy anyway? Not me. (At least, not anymore.) If you're a man, you do not have to answer this question.
Besides making the fuck-buddy idea romantic, the movie also made it appear as if it is Angel's character who wielded the most power, with John Lloyd giving the impression that he is the poor lad in waiting (for Angel to hand out sex and/or love in crumbs).
Minus the delusion, you can actually see that Angel's character is not in power in this dynamic. Though she thinks she is.
She thinks she is being liberal/progressively enlightened/strong/cool by fucking someone and then saying, "Kthanxbye" after.
What she is doing is acting like a dude. This is what dudes do. And she is pretending to be one. She is one-upping her ex by being better than him. Her decisions are reactions of anger at his betrayal.
Her relationship-decisions are filtered through this thought process: "I'll show him, no man could push me around. Not him, not anybody, not ever. I'll show him I'm tough. I'll play his game but by my rules. I'll be hypersexual, (which Angel doesnt know is always set up in favor of the dudes) and in the process deny my Self while I'm doing it."
What she doesnt know is she's doing it all to spite her ex. But she thinks she's doing it because she wants to.
She's drinking poison hoping that someone else will die (anger and resentment does that too) which is sort of equal to
not praying the rosary to the Virgin Mary because Mama Mary didnt fulfill your intentions. Not praying the rosary, `that'll show Mama Mary.' (Thanks to Martin Scorsese for this quote)
Angel / or any woman leaving after casual sex is every dude's dream. It saves him from cuddling, saves him from offering her drinks, meal, lunch, etc. Now he doesnt have to be pseudo-polite. She just exits just as she should. She has served/fulfilled his need. Dude says to his self: Thank God.
She also thinks she is protecting herself from hurt by merely exchanging bodily fluids and not emotions.
She also thinks having a release receptacle and being someone's release receptacle is a mutually beneficial thing to do.
She also thinks she's saving her self from pain by compartmentalizing her entirety and distributing little pieces of these to someone.
She also thinks she is in control of her life
when she has actually been set up to think and act this way. She has also set herself up to act this way. Sure she has been in a lousy relationship and is no longer in it but she acts as if she still is or that every relationship will be that way. Her fear and anger are clouding her good sense.
She also thinks that John Lloyd's character is being nice by being a boy scout and volunteering details about - and a ticket too! - to Singapore, what he is actually doing is provoking Angel's guilt. He is manipulating her emotions in order for Angel's character to not just re-consider the SG offer but for her to still feel connected to him while and if she's already in SG.
Thus Angel's response: "Pinapahirapan mo ko eh!"
Girl, that is his point.
And it worked! See Angel open up her life and history in one fell swoop (credit goes to the writer for pouring all details in one cringing Oscar-moment - the writer is saving him/herself time by wasting ours).
The main reason why Star Cinema is currently the sole local film production company who can afford to punch out at least 1 movie per month is because it knows its target market --- females who drag their bf's/fb's; females who drag their female friends; females who want a John Lloyd in their life; females who want to be Angel Locsin, males who think they look like John Lloyd, males who want to ape John Lloyd's acting abilities and use it in real life to dupe a chick).
Do you want to know if you're like Angel Locsin? Marian Rivera? Kim Chiu? or KC Concepcion?
Take this test to find out: Which leading lady are you? Because even if you dont become a movie star, you can always pretend you're the star in the movie in your mind.
See how the friends and co-workers of Ces and Mackie seem to live their lives only for the betterment of Ces and Mackie's love lives?
Thus the (2nd) reason why the movie is a box office hit.
Ces and Mackie's friends are two-dimensional characters because they are mere props to propel the story of Ces and Mackie forward. They are not supposed to have lives of their own unless these relate to Ces' and Mackie's. They're only there because Ces and Mackie are there . They're not needed unless they fawn, flatter, play up to Ces and Mackie. What do they care whether Ces and Mackie fuck or not/love or not. What's in it for them?
What's in it for them is everything. Their characters are designed to live solely for the main characters of that movie. Their reel lives are invested on it.
In real life, when you are using/looking at others as props to serve your purpose, when you think you're the star of your own show and the rest are mere extras and supporting characters, it's narcissism. When this is done in the movies, it's mainstream entertainment. When this is done between two mutually consenting adults - you-stroke-me-i-stroke-you - it's called friends-with-benefits/no-strings-attached/fuck buddies/ you two are being ethical sluts.
The (3rd) reason why the movie is a box office hit:
To be fair, isnt John Lloyd a dream for waiting hand in foot for Angel's sweet YES? Or so he seems.
Its a dream because shit like that cant be real. Even John Lloyd - in real life - aint like that. Ask Ruffa and now Shaina.
John Lloyd's character is acting like a chick and/or the way chicks want their dudes to act.
Star Cinema knows dudes dont watch romantic movies, even if Angel Locsin is there. Sure they'll watch Angel Locsin but not in a rom-com. Are you crazy????
Why watch Angel act when they can simply watch Angel Locsin.
Do you know why most of the female audience members found John Lloyd's character sooooooooooo adorable?
Because Mackie can mold his life to his partner's life. Statistically, so do most women!
If men do this, they could only do so for a month or two, the longest they can pretend to act like they mean it is a year. The rest of the time, they rely on the women's denial of him "changing" when he has in fact have become what he actually is.
You could literally count in one hand the male species in this online population,
and would lose count at the self-sacrificial / ready-to-die-for-pseudo-love /ingrained codependence themes coded in the psychological vocabulary on these posts:
This last quote needs to be examined because it doesnt make sense. How can you not know your status? You only not know when you dont want to. Either both or one of you is afraid, one or both of you have a prior commitment, one or both of you is dysfunctional. Yes, dysfunctional. Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?
If you're in an unofficial relationship
and you're a female,
expect to be hurt,
be prepared for nothing and everything.
If you're in an unofficial relationship and your male, place your thoughts in the comments below, I'm interested to hear your side.
But I'm speaking to the females because I am one.
Ask yourself, if you're really that want-able, wonderful, fuck-able, love-able why isn't he with you?
Better question: Why are you with him?
If you think you're want-able, wonderful, fuck-able, love-able and he's not with you, why do you allow it?
Sure, you're afraid too. You cant risk having your heart hurt. But, being in a pseudo-relationship, isnt that a risk too?
You: It's a risk I can control. I know what Im getting into. Im in it for old time's sake. It's better than nothing while Im waiting for something.
Of course you can tell yourself that. But do know, even if youre in a pseudo-relationship, you're still waiting for nothing. The better risk is having nothing as you work on your self to be everything.
Be officially yourself first. After which, see if you'd want or even think about being someone's unofficial other.
