Filipinos are not shallow. Filipinos are codependent. F Sionil Jose is lazy and wrong.

One of my idols, F Sionil Jose - author of the novels Mass, Tree & my favorite The Pretenders - said:

“The Pinoy is shallow, mababaw ang kaligayahan. Their idols (Willie Revillame / Kris Aquino) reflect this shallowness.”

I do not personally know F Sionil Jose - though I have been to his Solidaridad Bookstore in Padre Faura to have my copies of Ermita and The Pretenders signed by his literary excellency - so my comments and opinions about him are only based on what I have read him say.

I could only guess that he probably decided to take the obvious route or maybe his years of experience dictated on him the facts of his Filipinos-are-shallow thesis. But I factually feel that it is lazy - and therefore easier - to call people `shallow' or stupid than to find out why they are the way they are.

I feel Filipinos are NOT shallow for still loving, watching and salivating for the antics of alleged mass murderer Willie Revillame.

My gut says the Filipino is NOT shallow for wanting to buy anything and everything with Kris Aquino's face on it.

Most Filipinos are actually codependent. And it is not our fault. We are all conditioned to be one.



**

"Codependency is

* a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways..

and

* involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being
excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.

* Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive
compliance, and/or control patterns."


Codependence - the concept - had its roots allegedly from the group Alcoholics Anonymous when drunks realized that they are a problem as much as the people around them who let them drink and/or who probably - knowingly/unknowingly - may have caused or encouraged them to drink in the first place (the former is truer than the latter though).

Codependents are intense enablers. Or, "I give you ME, but you must give me ME."

Marge Simpson in the Simpsons episode Regarding Margie forgot she was an enabler/codependent when she had amnesia (she fell & hit her head after inhaling tons of fumes from cleaning detergents).

When she lost her memory, Marge regained her self-esteem and refused to believe Homer is her husband. Her sisters then set her up on a date with a man who unfortunately did not like the idea of a woman having three kids so he dumped her. Homer runs to Marge's defense and explains to the man Marge's classic codependent behaviors and why she is therefore a good catch:



Homer to Man: "You idiot! Do you know what you just gave up?..You just walked away from the sweetest most beautiful woman a guy could want. In ten years, she never had the last slice of pizza and she's never complained. Every election she wishes she could vote for both guys because they both seem nice. And there's a light inside her that makes everyone else look better. And you blew her off."

Man: "Dude, she's got three kids."

Homer: "I...really? Well, she's still great."


Marge eventually got her memory back when she was reminded of Homer's alcoholism.



Homer: "What do you say we stop for a drink on the way home?"

Marge: "You drink?"

Homer: "Uh, yeah, I started while you were in the hospital. You see, I recently tried this thing called beer..."

Marge: (gasps) "I remember everything now. You get drunk all the time!"

Homer: "Oh...but do you also remember that you're an enabler?"

Marge: "Of course! That's why we're such a great team" (she kiss Homer on the cheek).

(Homer begins swerving uncontrollably)

Marge: "Homer, have you been drinking today?"

Homer: "I sure have, partner!"



***

"In families, Codependent behaviors are a set of coping behaviors that are passed from generation to generation...in order to survive...family members across the next three or four generations learn a set of behaviors which help them deal with the emotional pain inherited from the original dysfunctional family unit. These behaviors, although designed to relieve pain, create pain! They constitute a deeply embedded "cognitive set" upon which codependency or dependency disorders are founded. Whether or not addiction existed in our nuclear family, codependency is a deeply rooted compulsive behavior that is born out of a dysfunctional family system."

In Filipino families, an example of a codependent is a Filipina OFW mother I saw in a GMA-7 documentary years ago who was working her butt off in Hongkong to send money to her unemployed husband, unemployed adult children and their unemployed children's wives/husbands and kids.

In my family, codependency is where an aunt does/spends/gives anything and everything for family members. She doesnt ask for anyone's help and she cannot say no when she needs to for fear of being judged or thought little of. She is giving in order to get - be it attention/perceived love or feigned respect.

It is a sick cycle and a sad mindset.

Think of the The Giving Tree and replace it with a friend, relative or person you know who displays self-sacrifice to a fault. Or could it be you?




****

Schools and churches helped us to be codependents too. Didn't they teach us to give and give until the givee's cup runneth over? That we are supposed to sacrifice our selves the way - the nuns in our Catholic school and the priests in any and every church said - Christ did? Aren't we all supposed to deny pleasure and beat ourselves if we fail to act like a good moral super being? So says too mainstream TV.


Again, it is not our fault if we are codependent because everybody is and every good Filipino is supposed to be one.





Which brings us back to F Sionil Jose's i-heart-to-hate-attitude for Willy Revillame and his female counterpart Kris Aquino.

Today is the age when big TV networks create and build up someone to be (have) a (big) personality. By the power of the network's (and its minion's) grey skull, they could now pull out from thin air the words "family," "love" and spin it to mean as if it is - and make it all / and that they're doing it all - for and about us. But actually, all of it is for and about the networks. It was never really all about us and it never will.



And everybody needs to be codependent or else, no one will pay any attention to the church's, school's, TV's & any mainstream institution's machinations, manipulations and mind fuck.

They need to get something from us.

In television, ratings embody this. Specifically, attention is the currency we give them. They want our attention badly they are willing to bribe us for it.

They bribe us with hope. They keep us addicted to hope. Hope is the drug and it comes in many forms: the chance to win tons of money, a house and lot, a kabuhayan showcase.

I remember TV didn't used to be like this, or at least not this desperately needy. It used to be all for fun. Now, networks are taking the taking of our attention seriously as if our life depended on it.

The promise of a good life is being dangled under our noses. And if we feel empty, if we always feel lacking, we will feel desperate enough to bite. Desperation and neediness attract desperate and needy people.






They need us to feel insecure all day everyday so we can look forward to the coming of a grandiose savior which will give us anything and everything we want because we are too little, too weak, too small to provide for ourselves and to be our own Source.

And these are what Willie Revillame, Kris Aquino and the coddlers, enablers, creators of these popularly beautiful monsters live off of - our emptiness is theirs to fill in the same way they would most likely be dead unless we give them our attention.

Regardless of whether they receive good attention or bad is not the point. They'd take anything and everything. This is why Willie and his defunct show was still alive even after the Ultra stampede killed a number of his loyal & faithful audience.

If they ended the show at such a low point, it would be a crass admission of guilt. Plus, Willie is an extension of the big TV network's ego so cutting him off is similar to them severing an arm. It would hurt, it would bleed and it would not look good. (Iimage is everything specially for those who always want to look their best on the reflections off their TV screens.)

But when Willie started rebelling against them, the network saw him no longer as the Golden Child but a monster they will never admit they helped create. The least they could do is devalue him. Meanwhile, all Willie could do is to prop himself up further in a different network whilst still taking full advantage of the same neediness and desperation he helped promote.

And since we are codependently conditioned, we continually provide what Willie wants - and even crave more of it. We allowed Willie to return and we watch him still. We have bought a ticket to play in his game. We buy in, he wins.

He takes the entire pie, we are more than happy with the crumbs.

All these work / operate and have successfully been made possible because of the belief planted in us by big worldly self-professed saviors that something is better and bigger than us.

That there is a powerful stalker who always knows what we are up to and what is best for us. That we should depend anything and everything upon a powerful stalker because us alone, by ourselves, are powerless. We believe we do not hold the key to our lives. Someone else does. And we should surrender our lives to it or him.

Essentially, our dysfunctional psyche and stagnant-platitudes-disguised-as-truths also helps keep all these functioning.

Go ahead, ask yourself and review all the things you have heard, have read or others have said you do, must do, need to do or else "you'll go to hell," "you'll go crazy," "you'll die," "you'll be punished," etc. and see - whether you believe the platitude or not - how you actually unconsciously live it.

e.g.

The fear of dog is the beginning of wisdom

Turn the other cheek so you can have it slapped too

Humble yourself and be proud of it

Love your enemies but secretly hate them

Lack of money is the root of all evil

Suffering now is GOOD because Heaven's reward for it is BETTER. Plus, because your persecutors will be shat on by God anyway: EXCELLENT.

This heart-felt fully beautiful song sums up the mindset of codependence which we have been taught to believe we must aspire to since it is noble and good to do so.




All these are ingrained deep in our selves it would probably take tons of digging through heaps of denial to get to our own core truth. So dig we must.

The Filipino therefore is not shallow. We are actually working through deep ingrained patterns of cultural and personal issues of self-worth.

Dog help us all. But for starters, feel free to first help your self.