Religion is a big cult.
A cult is a small religion.
Religion is what you call a cult that got big, old and structured enough to make its members and non-members agree it's not a cult. A religion is simply a bunch of people collectively agreeing that Catholicism, Buddhism, _______ (place your preferred religion here) is not a cult. Take note, it's still a cult, albeit more persuasive, charming and mainstream enough that people aren't threatened by it.
Jesus' followers established a group that was - at its time - considered a cult. They even got killed for their beliefs and were hunted down they had to hide themselves and their meetings from authorities. Peter the apostle - The Rock - was even crucified.
A cult is a baby religion. It is religion in its infancy. It's religion taking its first baby steps to conquer people's minds and hearts aka - or in non-Oprah-ish language - monopolize & exploit people's fears and vulnerabilities.
Here is a letter written by one cult to another, with the much older and wiser cult offering its empathetic two-cents to a baby religion that is experiencing birth pangs.
Dear INC
"Papunta pa lang kayo, pabalik na `ko."
"I've been to hell and back, I'm sure you will too."
Seriously, I feel for you.
But, seriously, what you're going through now is just the tip of the iceberg of what I went through centuries ago.
Relax, okay?
You guys have to get your shit together.
And spare me your problems pluuueeeze.
What you're going through isn't even half the shit I went through.
Dude, some of us got killed, tortured, crucified just because we heart Jesus. No one liked Jesus then. They thought he was a rebel that stirred the pot a lot. So we stirred the pot too and people hated that. They hated us so they killed us.
And now you're whining just because some members are calling you thieves and corrupt would-be abductors.
Look, if some of your members want out, let them out. If they're announcing your shit to the world, let them!
When we got big and rich, it was our turn to kill and maim and that's what we did. We have to give back the shit they gave us some way. Eye for an eye right?
Spanish inquisition much?
The Crusades much?
You guys aren't even that rich yet but you act like you do you arrogant fucks.
And don't wave your Philippine Arena at me boy.
Or your Airbus crap.
You're just a little over a century old! We got rich after more than a century, only then did we conquer - not just people but - lands!
What the hell is a Philippine Arena anyway? Katy Perry kissed your ass and you imprisoned faggot Chris Brown in his hotel room and you call that power?
You deserve what you're getting now bitch.
Learn from the expert. Take it slow and take the long and high road.
Dissent happens everywhere. Deal with it.
Don't let what people think affect your decisions - unless it would lead to losing members (= money) and collective support. I advise you to be civil to your frenemies. Killing them doesnt work anymore, not in this age. Unless you keep it 100% quiet - but I'm sure Twitter and Facebook will know.
Trust me. I tried to hide pedophile priests and everyone still knew where they are.
Just let everything out in the open. Keep it transparent. Apologize for shit - John Paul II did and that gave us media and social mileage for years until he died.
If you have a charismatic persona there in your arsenal, use him/her. You need it badly now. So bad.
Have you seen your "ministers" on TV? You people are stiff! Your "preachers" are a cross between a 1980's RPN-9 newscaster and a boring math teacher. Fix that shit up.
Luckily for us, we had Jesus to fall back on. Jesus is the greatest brand any religion can have. Seriously, that guy is the shit. We just rehash everything he says - which makes philosophical. logical, emotional, and spiritual sense - and voila, everyone just likes us again.
Your problem is, "Manalo" is more popular than Christ so everyone associates your church with Manalo than Jesus. It seems like you're riding on Jesus' coattails to further "Manalo." Though that's our business model too --- wait a minute, did you copy us?
It's ayt. We dont have first dibs on him so feel free to use his brand and image.
Look, the Protestants gave us a hard time too. They were dissing us and shit so when they decided to make their own church we didnt give a flying fuck.
I think this is where your problem is going to go.
Iglesia Filipina Independiente hated us so bad so they formed their own church too. It's a free country. Let the dissenters make their own church and see if you care.
Let them, just let them. But dont abduct them.
If your problem is money, I'm going to stop here because you need someone else to handle that.
Maybe I can refer you to The Bank of England. Money is not my expertise I admit. We have our own problems with money. What can I tell you, we may be rich in spirit but we're poor in math.
So Im not going to pretend I know anything about that.
Goodluck.
LOL (lots of love),
The Catholic Church
