I am back to blog about the beastly thoughts barging through my brain because:
1 A blog a day keeps insanity away
I've been holding it back for so long that I've almost forgotten how it is to express myself freely without getting paid.
The past years, I focused on doing writing work that gave me a money-back guarantee thus my absence and abstinence in writing pro bono.
Maybe it's just me, but there's something about money that makes me want to drop everything, take my clothes off, lie down, and let money do whatever it wants with me. You know the drill.
(Disclaimer: Please don't take this literally. Please.)
Eventually, sleep - and any other activity not compensated by money - takes a back seat and becomes low priority.
Technically it's not love of money that turned me into a wholesome whore. It's the lack of money I hate.
But now that I'm sort of back to my senses and have sort of decided that maybe it's my turn to make money do whatever I want with it, maybe writing freely - which literally also means for free - will force my insanity to sit in the corner and wait until I get back to it. Or maybe my inattention towards it will make it realize it's not really wanted and so will leave me alone.
If it won't, maybe it can keep me company - but only if it will result to me having money.
2 Practice makes (sort of) perfect
Where else can I spew my thoughts out in a healthy manner while at the same time spewing them out in an orderly, structured, and (I hope) elegant way? I feel this blog will help me arrange and structure the shit my mind has conjured in a method that makes sense.
I am looking at this as a utilitarian way to workout my mind and sharpen the way I express the thoughts my mind is processing.
Hopefully, we all get to benefit and learn from this exercise.
3 I no longer have an existential crisis
We've all gone through some form of existential crisis one way or another in some point in our lives. I had one two years ago.
I questioned all the decisions I made. I questioned all the decisions I didnt make. I questioned why I made those decisions. I asked why I didnt make these decisions.
I saw how I acted, what I believed, which I prioritized, why I chose to do this instead of that, and asked myself a ton of WHY's?
I didnt just ask myself though, I beat myself black and blue. If I were an Italian mafia or a Frat leader, I would have put a horse's head on my bed or paddled my legs to sleep.
I hated myself and the decisions I made, and didnt make. I wanted to scoop my soul out of my body. I wanted to re-scoop myself into another body, in to another world, a different planet, a different plane of existence.
I wanted a reboot.
I wanted a new program to run my life. I wanted a new life.
But no matter how desperate I wanted to scoop my soul out of me, the least that could happen was for me to change my perspective.
I saw the superficial shit I allowed to run my life, and WHY I let it.
(This includes the previous posts on this blog. Thus, from this post on, please dont expect the same perspective as what you may have seen in the past posts. Or maybe you will see them at times. Also, expect more text and less images. thank you.)
The point is, I saw the error of how I cared for the things I used to, and now painfully know I shoudnt have.
I saw how my judgments - mostly based on false beliefs - colored my choices. And how I shouldnt have let it.
I also saw that nothing is ever too late and now is a good time to start to change.
Getting back to blogging is sort of a new change as I pick myself up and find the road that's best for me using new eyes and maybe a more cleansed heart.
4 Because I don't trust Facebook
I was in a mall one time when I decided to buy some cookies from Mrs Fields. I was to give these to someone.
I bought the cookies, placed them in my bag and went on.
Later that day, as what mostly everyone usually does, I went to Facebook. Lo and behold, there are ads of Mrs Fields cookies on my timeline.
What a kool coincidence, I thought. Maybe the universe and I are aligned today, I thought. Maybe the universe was listening to me today, and was watching me, and was taking care of little me, I thought. How sweet of the universe to manifest its intent to watch over me by making a targeted ad appear on my Facebook timeline and......holy shit wait!
Was that the universe or Facebook?
Did Facebook just stalk me?
Was Facebook listening to me buy the cookies from Mrs Fields? And then found an ad about Mrs Fields? And then proudly showed this ad to my face? Thinking I'd like to have this ad shown to my face?
Facebook is a bad, bad stalker. Who wants to be listened to and followed without your permission? Someone should report Facebook to the online police.
I wouldnt place my thoughts on it.
I'd rather have Google own me. Thus, Blogger. After all, Google already knows which sites I go to (nudge nudge wink wink). And all my mails are in their gargantuan hands.
---
If you're here reading, WELCOME ME BACK!
1 A blog a day keeps insanity away
I've been holding it back for so long that I've almost forgotten how it is to express myself freely without getting paid.
The past years, I focused on doing writing work that gave me a money-back guarantee thus my absence and abstinence in writing pro bono.
Maybe it's just me, but there's something about money that makes me want to drop everything, take my clothes off, lie down, and let money do whatever it wants with me. You know the drill.
(Disclaimer: Please don't take this literally. Please.)
Eventually, sleep - and any other activity not compensated by money - takes a back seat and becomes low priority.
Technically it's not love of money that turned me into a wholesome whore. It's the lack of money I hate.
But now that I'm sort of back to my senses and have sort of decided that maybe it's my turn to make money do whatever I want with it, maybe writing freely - which literally also means for free - will force my insanity to sit in the corner and wait until I get back to it. Or maybe my inattention towards it will make it realize it's not really wanted and so will leave me alone.
If it won't, maybe it can keep me company - but only if it will result to me having money.
2 Practice makes (sort of) perfect
Where else can I spew my thoughts out in a healthy manner while at the same time spewing them out in an orderly, structured, and (I hope) elegant way? I feel this blog will help me arrange and structure the shit my mind has conjured in a method that makes sense.
I am looking at this as a utilitarian way to workout my mind and sharpen the way I express the thoughts my mind is processing.
Hopefully, we all get to benefit and learn from this exercise.
3 I no longer have an existential crisis
We've all gone through some form of existential crisis one way or another in some point in our lives. I had one two years ago.
I questioned all the decisions I made. I questioned all the decisions I didnt make. I questioned why I made those decisions. I asked why I didnt make these decisions.
I saw how I acted, what I believed, which I prioritized, why I chose to do this instead of that, and asked myself a ton of WHY's?
I didnt just ask myself though, I beat myself black and blue. If I were an Italian mafia or a Frat leader, I would have put a horse's head on my bed or paddled my legs to sleep.
I hated myself and the decisions I made, and didnt make. I wanted to scoop my soul out of my body. I wanted to re-scoop myself into another body, in to another world, a different planet, a different plane of existence.
I wanted a reboot.
I wanted a new program to run my life. I wanted a new life.
But no matter how desperate I wanted to scoop my soul out of me, the least that could happen was for me to change my perspective.
I saw the superficial shit I allowed to run my life, and WHY I let it.
(This includes the previous posts on this blog. Thus, from this post on, please dont expect the same perspective as what you may have seen in the past posts. Or maybe you will see them at times. Also, expect more text and less images. thank you.)
The point is, I saw the error of how I cared for the things I used to, and now painfully know I shoudnt have.
I saw how my judgments - mostly based on false beliefs - colored my choices. And how I shouldnt have let it.
I also saw that nothing is ever too late and now is a good time to start to change.
Getting back to blogging is sort of a new change as I pick myself up and find the road that's best for me using new eyes and maybe a more cleansed heart.
4 Because I don't trust Facebook
I was in a mall one time when I decided to buy some cookies from Mrs Fields. I was to give these to someone.
I bought the cookies, placed them in my bag and went on.
Later that day, as what mostly everyone usually does, I went to Facebook. Lo and behold, there are ads of Mrs Fields cookies on my timeline.
What a kool coincidence, I thought. Maybe the universe and I are aligned today, I thought. Maybe the universe was listening to me today, and was watching me, and was taking care of little me, I thought. How sweet of the universe to manifest its intent to watch over me by making a targeted ad appear on my Facebook timeline and......holy shit wait!
Was that the universe or Facebook?
Did Facebook just stalk me?
Was Facebook listening to me buy the cookies from Mrs Fields? And then found an ad about Mrs Fields? And then proudly showed this ad to my face? Thinking I'd like to have this ad shown to my face?
Facebook is a bad, bad stalker. Who wants to be listened to and followed without your permission? Someone should report Facebook to the online police.
I wouldnt place my thoughts on it.
I'd rather have Google own me. Thus, Blogger. After all, Google already knows which sites I go to (nudge nudge wink wink). And all my mails are in their gargantuan hands.
---
If you're here reading, WELCOME ME BACK!
