It Takes a Man and a Woman to make pseudo-love work

If the plot of the movie It Takes a Man and a Woman is illustrated

and the journeys of its characters are drawn out,

it would look like this:

Specifically, the characters' journey is outlined below:

And there might not be a part 4 because this movie showed how much Miggy and Laida didn't change at all - despite all the convincing, the fierceness, the tears, the American slang/twang, the new lives both characters seem to be leading. It's all cosmetics. It's all superficial. It's all special effects.

Miggy and Laida hasn't moved on at all.

Laida is still the same giddy girl in pseudo-love with Miggy.



          Pseudo-love because she thinks she's in love with him despite his betrayal, (what, Laida leaves
          for work and he smooches another woman? addicted to any skirt-wearing-person much? cant
          handle loneliness much? doesnt care about Laida's feelings and her loyalty much?)

          his arrogance,  his lack of care, his lack of empathy, his selfishness.

          The fact she doesnt mind all of these negative traits of him, and that she still stays with him
          doesnt mean she loves him, it only means -
          - in Zoila's words, Laida is an "Adik!"

          Laida also doesnt love herself because if she does, her self-respect, self-esteem and self-worth
          wont allow her to stay and will automatically push her away from Miggy's poisonous presence.

       
               

Miggy is still - and forever will be - focused on how to self-sabotage his life and everyone and everything within proximity of him.

He also doesnt care about Laida or his current classy girlfriend. He just wants a warm body whom he could depend on to save his ass always and forever so he can stay happy forever after  making sure he wont look at himself and how he can change his behavior for the better.


That is why he wants to be a good man see but he knows, no matter how hard he tries, he cant. His pride, arrogance wont let him. And Laida's presence or her pseudo-love cant save him. Only he can do that.

That is why when Miggy proposed to Laida, he said he's applying for work. Because he needs to literally work and make an effort to not be his natural arrogant self.

Their wedding just cemented their obsolescence. They think they have moved on via them literally moving / going into the next step everyone thinks they should be in. But it was just a way for them to trap each other in the same cycle of Miggy's self-sabotage and Laida's messianic role in his life.

That's not a happy ever after, not is it a reality ever after. It's a dysfunctional relationship.

Sure, Love is forgiving. But love isn't enabling or giving yourself to someone whose heart is closed. Doing so breeds entropy. You are enabling your partner, you are betraying yourself, you are making sure both of you will live miserably together. That's not love. That's something else, and it won't lead to joy.

What Chiz and Heart's Mom have in common

It is as if both their foreheads have been botoxed clean and free from 

natural emotions. 

And what's with that perennially pasted smile on Chiz's lips

Or is that his base expression?

What to do when your parents are dysfunctional

If your name is Bimby or Heart, or if you're simply curious, this post is for you.

If you think your parents are dysfunctional, it's highly likely, you're dysfunctional yourself.

But the fact you're reading this means you sort of acknowledge that detail in your life and want to make the positive change by

a)  acknowledging and accepting that you need to change

b) accepting that you're screwed up

c) accepting that your parents had a hand in you're being screwed up

d) you're willing to own and you do  `fess up to your being screwed up -- (hey look, sure you're parents fucked you up but most of who you are is You so you're still very much responsible for how you turn out, you just need to work on yourself for at least foreverrrrr but hey, at least by doing so you grow and become mature enough to not blame and place accountability on other people because that is what being an adult is, kid).


So now that you admit you're dysfunctional, what should you do if your parents won't?

1  Let them go

Better yet, let them be. Leave them be.

One of the probable reasons why you're dysfunctional is because you have been controlled a lot. You were told what to feel, what you're supposed to feel, what to do, what you're supposed to do - as if you are incapable of doing and being these on your own. Though this may or may not be your parents fault as they may have been told what to feel and do themselves by their own parents - and they couldn't get themselves out of that rut - it's not your job to fix them.

On your part, the only thing you can do is to allow them to be whoever they are. Controlling them is futile, it also won't work. How do you know it won't work?? Well, did it work for you????

No? Then it won't work for them too.


2  Give back to them what they're dishing out

If you do this, there are 2 ways this could play out.

One - things will get worse. A war could erupt - an irreparable one that will signal the end of both your worlds.

Two - you or the other or both of you will back off.

If you do this to your mother and she's a narcissist - e.g. she considers you as her extension so your success becomes her own and that you are expected to follow her orders, think like her, be like her aka you are her twin or her third arm - she could back off.

For narcissists, nothing's worse when they receive what they themselves give out.  When a mirror is put in front of narcs and they are made to face and look at what they themselves are guilty of doing/being -- this is akin to a nightmare.

Narcs never admit they have a problem they need to fix. They never admit they are guilty of anything. So what they do is project their own sins onto others, e.g. they label others as having "a personality problem," they call people "opportunists," "controlling / manipulators" to the extent they could even call their own flesh and blood as "unstable" because their own flesh and blood decided to have a mind of his/her own -- ergo they could no longer make their son/daughter (aka extension) do whatever the hell it is they want him/her to do.


3  Ignore them when they're acting out

You know how when kids cry and whine because you didn't give them that toy they were pointing at in a store? and then they lie on the floor and cry even more louder so you will do what is appropriate and buy them that toy so people will not think how terrible a parent you are for not pacifying your child's scandalous tantrum?

The same difference goes with dysfunctional parents.

You know the best solution to this situation? Don't give them what they want.

Their crying, their whining have 2 objectives:

To provoke your guilt, e.g. by saying:

       "We didn't raise you that way"  (when parent say this, what they actually mean is "Repent for your
        sins because you're not supposed to do this to us even if we inadvertently conditioned you to.");

       "Look at what your behavior is doing to us." (when parents say this, they're putting the blame on
        you for their reaction. This is very manipulative, cunning. They are giving to you the responsibility
       for something they have total control of and putting on your hands something you have no power
      over. It is extremely mean. It's a fucked up way to raise kids who will value guilt as a virtue. Kids
      who grow up this way choose partners or people who will provoke the same guilt in them and so
      give their all and everything (e.g., they allow their partners to step all over them, they allow their
      partners to use their mercedes benz because it makes them feel happy and not guilty when they  
     share too much of their blessings to others, they think every quantity of their self is worth giving so
     as not to feel guilty when they save some/none for themselves).  Wherever your parents learned this
     fucked up idea from -- take a guess, its probably from their parents or guardians too - and they're
     doing / passing the same fucked up shit on you.

To not make you forget who's boss aka To not make you forget who runs the show aka To not make you forget who you should follow.


4   When your parents are fighting and you're unsure who's telling the truth, don't take sides

Authentic truth is simple and straightforward. It only gets blurred when an aspect of it is shielded, hidden or a part of it is intentionally obscured so your perception could be easily managed / manipulated so you only see what your parent wants you to see.

When you have doubts about who is telling the truth and none of your parents are willing to reveal the 100% facts (because of self-preservation), do the fact-checking and verification yourself.

But when you're just 5 years old, this is easier said than done. Until then, I'll pray that you don't grow up to be slick, manipulative and cunning yourself.


5  Do not allow one or both of your parents to use you as a pawn so he/she can win in his/her war

Remember, you are not property. You are not money. You are not something that can be split in half.

You are a person, an individual. You do not deserve to be played with, controlled like a robot or manipulated like a puppet. You are a person who can think and feel for yourself.

Go to a trusted relative, family member or friend so you can avoid being poisoned by one of both of your parents twisted sensibility. Be open also to the possibility that your parents do not know - however hard they try or however hard they convince you or convince themselves - how to authentically love. They're just hopeless like that. Rest in the fact that at least, by giving yourself space by being away from them, you know how to love yourself.

My Review of Flight

Flight is a psychological drama about a man’s descent from his lofty sense of self to the simple grounded truth:  he is hopelessly in denial of his alcoholism and narcissism.

Denzel Washington is Whip Whitaker, an experienced commercial pilot who needs his fix of booze, sex and cocaine to be able to fly a plane carrying 102 passengers from Florida to Atlanta.  During flight, the plane nosedives but Whip skillfully manages to roll the plane upside down and return it right side up before it crash lands on a field – an almost impossible feat that managed to save 96 lives onboard and which no other pilot could reportedly do.

During the first half-hour of the film, director Robert Zemeckis - a pilot himself -  masterfully takes us on the edge of our seats by putting us squarely on the plane as it turns, rolls, dives - and as all hell, emotions, and the plane breaks.

The rest of the film’s 139 minutes is not just a showcase of how a man’s alcoholism and his denial of it is enabled by the airline pilot’s union and corporate America, it also exhibits Denzel Washington’s affecting and brilliant performance as a loathsome loser.

Whip Whitaker elicits very little sympathy but Denzel Washington manages to keep us hooked. Just like an addict, we become fixated at what he will do next. Will he stop drinking? Will he face the truth about himself? And every time he doesn’t, we keep coming back for more and hope along with him that he will see the light.

Kelly Reilly, an English actress who was in the Sherlock Holmes sequel, is beautiful and compelling as Nicole – a recovering heroine addict. Unfortunately, her talent was under-utilized since her character served only as a convenient prop so Denzel Washington’s Whitaker will have someone to trade barbs and tension with as he struggles to manage his addiction.

Don Cheadle plays the lawyer who does his best to keep Whitaker out of jail. Bruce Greenwood is the head of the airline pilot’s union who is similarly struggling to save Whitaker from his self. Both are level-headed in their portrayal of enablers who are just as out to save Whitaker and themselves from the legal and financial consequences of the plane crash.

John Goodman sticks out like a sore thumb in the movie as he plays the clownish drug dealer who is keeping Whitaker addicted yet highly-functioning.

The film starts out with a visual high thanks to the impressive special effects at the early part of the movie. However, it descends to a cop-out of sorts as it oddly becomes a commercial for Alcoholics Anonymous.

Maybe the movie was required to deliver to American audiences the lessons it was supposed to learn: that drinking is bad, being an alcoholic is worst, change is better – and possible. But the movie became preachy and only served to alienate non-5-year old audiences who don’t want to be told what to do. 

Indio vs Juan Dela Cruz

Anyone noticed how the names of these two programs seem to reflect how we collectively think of our cultural selves?

Is it just me or do these programs validate the fact that we still see ourselves from the eyes of our colonizers?

Indio is a Spanish word that means Indian.

Juan dela Cruz - a name used to refer to the Filipino everyman - was actually conjured by a foreigner.

The Scottish publisher R. McCulloch-Dick of The Philippine Free Press was the first to use the name Juan de la Cruz to refer to Filipinos in general when he noticed the name's ubiquity in court dockets and police blotters.

So are you an Indio or a Juan dela Cruz?

My Review of A Moment in Time aka How to romanticize a dysfunctional relationship – the Star Cinema Way

Star Cinema - like Coco Martin's character in A Moment in Time - is creepy.

Disclaimer: My opinion about Star Cinema is supported by past and most recent romantic films it has unleashed on hapless moviegoers' short attention span.

Chronologically,  these include the following:

Suddenly It's Magic
24/7 In Love
One More Try

and it's latest offering - A Moment in Time.


The fact that these movies got made - regardless of these films' commercial success or failure - shows the thought process and sensibilities of its `creative' staff. From these same films we can therefore deduce a Star Cinema Theorem which states that:

Copy the plot of an old movie + replicate scenes from these old movies + sprinkle fresh, good-looking stars x (insert sexually repressed/dysfunctional characters) = VOILA! Star Cinema Movie!!!

e.g.

Suddenly It's Magic = Isang Tanong Isang Sagot

24/7 In Love = (Perverted) Love Actually

One More Try = In Love We Trust

A Moment in Time = Suddenly It's Magic (the Coco-Martin-serenading-Julia-Montes-and-Julia-Montes-beatboxing-scenes), My Only U (the-Julia-Montes-giving-Coco-Martin-a-surprise-bday-party-scene), Milan (the Coco-Martin-going-to-Amsterdam-to-look-for-Julia-Montes-scenes).

I therefore conclude that Star Cinema's creepiness knows no bounds.

Why?

1) It doesn't give a shit that it is xerox-ing plots, scenes from movies already seen and then using it in their 'original' film without acknowledging the source of its `inspiration.'  It's creative piracy. If you buy an unoriginal dibidi of a Star Cinema film you're actually buying a double-dead movie / it's a pirated version of a pirated movie.

2) It is copying its own scenes from its own movies because
a) it is easier to do aka it's the lazy way to make movies - it's writing without actually writing
b) it's there
c) they find their own work amazing enough to be replicated continuously aka they're so pleased with themselves they just want to jack off to their own product


Their inherent creepiness is so deep-rooted it just leached into Coco Martin's character in Star Cinema's latest film A Moment in Time.

Coco Martin's Patrick is a less skilled version of John Lloyd's dysfunctionally suave character JD in The Mistress.

To be fair, A Moment in Time is fun to watch thanks to Julia Montes' and Coco Martin's charismatic and affecting performance.

But - Julia Montes' Jillian is right when she shouted at Patrick and called him "Weird!" when he drew her face on a wall, called her by not-her-name (with the expectation that she'll pay attention to him), and hurled himself in front of her chauffered car.

Weird is right but is an understatement as Patrick is simply dysfunctional.

And the Star Cinema way to make this personality dysfunction likable, romantic, aspirational, entertaining  is to apply the Star Cinema theorem:





1 Add a good-looking actor - to better distract you from the abuse he is inflicting - and even find it okay enough for you to even ask for more of the same


2 Convince the audience that love is equal to violating a person's  boundaries

Patrick calls Jillian all the names he thinks fits her but not her real name. He doesn't even bother to come up to her politely and ask. Instead, he assumes her name is "Heidi," "Sheryl," "Baby" 

because he really doesn't want to know who the real her is. He only wants to know the image he has of her - thus his question at the start of the film:

"ANO ANG ITSURA NG TOTOONG PAGMAMAHAL?"

You can see an image, a picture, but can you experience an image? a picture? 

He can't experience what love is so he settles to have an image of it / a picture of it in his head. 

He only loves his image/imagining/perception of who he thinks Jillian is but not THE REAL Jillian.

That is why Jillian is wise when she says, "(Sana) di lang ako drowing sa canvass mo." -- because she knows she is.

He doesn't care about the real Jillian - he only cares that he thinks he cares. It is an image of himself loving an image of someone else that he LOVES - not the person - regardless of whether that person accidentally killed Patrick's mother (a contrived plot device to easily explain away Patrick's abnormal behavior). 

If it aint already obvious, Patrick is already abnormal even before he discovered Jillian's accidental killing of his mother. 

3 Make unwarranted persistence adorable


When Jillian says "NO," Patrick doesn't listen to her because he thinks that she doesnt really mean "NO."  He doesn't think she is serious. He doesn't care that she is serious. He doesn't respect her "NO" because he only cares about what he wants not what she wants.




4 Make arrogance and rudeness an adorable virtue

To those who think Coco's Patrick is adorable when he forces himself on her space - in that scene where he was wearing a Max's Delivery uniform inside an elevator and was with Julia's character Jillian - think again.

If you are not creeped out by this specific behavior, ask yourself if you'd want to experience something similar in real life or - better yet - imagine how your reaction will be. To be fair, don't imagine Coco Martin creeping you out. Imagine someone else, e.g. one of those long-haired villains in those late 80's early 90's Pinoy action movies. Doing this mental exercise is a true test of your authentic reaction to abnormal behavior.



5 Make deception a natural part of a relationship

When Patrick discovered that Jillian accidentally killed his mother, it was actually not the discovery that made him act "weirder." He is already weird in the first place.

The fact that he hid his discovery and pretended that everything is fine or that there is nothing wrong - is downright chilling.

If this detail went over your head - look at where you are now and ask yourself if you're in a relationship that echoes that dynamic. Ask yourself too why you didn't find that detail odd???

6 Make the process of wearing down a person's healthy boundaries the "noble" goal of the adorable protagonist - better yet make it the film's aspirational climax

Patrick's process of pursuing Jillian is akin to stalking. Jillian has expressed her defiance by saying
 "Look, your shit's got to stop." (that was a paraphrase).  But Patrick doesn't. He chases her car and gives her something he knows he could hook her emotions with - her old violin. And his hooking strategy worked. She falls for him. They get back together and she lives unhappily ever after with him.

He never loved her. He never will. If he really loved her - and if he doesn't have a personality disorder -  he won't string her along and pretend that he didnt know she accidentally killed his mother.

If the movie wanted a happy ending, Jillian could have ended up not with her Hallmark-card spouting-fiancee or the insanely obsessed and psychologically dysfunctional Patrick, she could have discovered why she fell for Patrick - her own issues - her fears - her beliefs and then made the life-saving decision to love her self and be the person she wants to attract and have a relationship with. But that's not dramatic enough for ya huh.

All in all, A Moment in Time is not that bad -- 

A Moment in Time’s glossy visuals helped soften Manila’s grime and grittiness the same way Coco and Julia’s onscreen presence made this Star Cinema movie about an emotionally abusive relationship, exceptionally entertaining, romantic, aspirational, and even likable. - WEIRD!!!

What we can learn from Lance Armstrong and others like him

Lance Armstrong is NOT sorry, remorseful and never did he - or will he ever - feel guilty.

He is manipulative, admits he never felt all the illegal things he did was wrong, is sociopathic, admits he is arrogant, admits he's narcissistic.

`Lie strong, defy all who did him "wrong"' - seems to be his motto.

By "wrong" - in Armstrong's vocabulary - is whatever he decides as "wrong."

According to Armstrong, anyone and everyone,who tells the truth about him/who exposes his lies/who reveals his illegal activities/who shows and tells the world who Armstrong really is

needs to be shut up/bullied into shutting up/ must be labeled as "crazy," "bitch" - but not "fat"/sued/maligned & gather other people to help malign these "crazy" "bitches."

How do we know he's not really sorry?

We hear him say "sorry" but this is not backed up with authentic feelings of being sorry - such as remorse or guilt or the feeling that he did something wrong - all of which he says he did not feel and he himself admits the fact that his non-feelings towards all these was "scary" - "scarier" - "scariest."

See how he rationalized away his cheating by looking it up and backing up his belief with a dictionary definition of the word.





Also, despite his non-apologetic "sorry,"

despite him admitting that he is "a bully"

he doesn't back all these up with specifics even when pointedly asked

and settles instead to superficial generalizations

partnered with



contempt

arrogance

and the overall feeling that he is pleased with himself for putting one over everyone.

"This is too late."

Thanks to Oprah's interview with Armstrong, we have a solid example of the lessons we could pick up from him and others like him who lie, cheat, bully and manipulate  aka a narcissistic personality disordered psychopath.


1 When someone admits he is a jerk, an "arrogant prick", "I deserve this," "deeply flawed (at 1:29 while smiling)" -- this is not equal to an admission of one's shortcomings - in their eyes they are just describing themselves AS IS, they could even take these as their strengths.

Not because they have recognized their being a jerk or an arrogant prick doesn't mean change is possible. This only means they are verbalizing what you already know and what they are proud of.

Change is only possible when recognition is partnered with authentic remorse and guilt for hurting others.



Run away from these kind of people. But first, believe these descriptions of themselves - they are their own experts and they know what they are capable of. As Tita Oprah says, "When someone tells you who they are the first time, believe them."


2  When there is arrogance, there is always a propensity to lie, exaggerate. Arrogant people are never sorry for any hurts they did. They could only feel pleasure from being able to put one over everyone; for duping and getting away with it.  And when there is no authentic apology, there is no authentic remorse. When there is no guilt, the hurts these arrogant people inflict will happen again.


3 Not even the closest family member or persons in a narcissist's life could make these people change.
Not their kids or the trust their kids have on them are enough to make them switch off their evil intent.

See how Armstrong dismisses his lying even in front of his eldest child when he tells his son what to say when confronted by others about him:

"Hey, my father said he was sorry."

And look at how he smiles when he realizes his son "trusts (him)" despite his brazen lies -
 and which he admits at 3:00 "makes it (even) sicker."

He smiles at that "sick" fact!!!

none of these he actually means.


"Why now?" Oprah asks Armstrong.

After more than a decade of lies, why `fess up now?

After all those brazen denials, why now?

This is another sign of how INAUTHENTIC his apology is.

You don't step on someone's foot and apologize for it ten years later - unless you have an agenda that will be to your benefit.



.

Not just My Review of Brillante Ma. Mendoza's Thy Womb

If you want to `relax and see a movie,’ this film is not for you.

When viewing Thy Womb, it is best for you to leave any expectations of how or what a film should be outside the theater.

The film challenges you to drop - for at least 90 minutes - your long-held beliefs, both personal and cultural.

There are no dramatic confrontation scenes between Nora Aunor - the wife - and Lovi Poe - the "other woman"; when Bembol Roco’s character Bangas-An is shot by sea pirates, Nora Aunor – despite her thespic skills or maybe because of it – did not choose to be hysterical; the process of acquiring a new wife is business-like as negotiations between the bride and groom’s parties are simple and straightforward.

Thy Womb seemed to have Mother Nature included in its production payroll as the sun, the rain, a rainbow, a whale shark all appear or disappear on cue as if the film’s director, Brillante Ma. Mendoza, demanded them to. 

Whether these were due to sheer luck or divine intervention matters little in the end as Mendoza makes use of Tawi-Tawi’s picture-perfect nature shots to convey the film’s unsentimental approach to the ordinariness of extraordinary occurrences.

In one fell swoop, Mendoza weaves the personal (one’s notion of joy, sadness,  love) with the cultural (how one’s actions, choices, thoughts are dictated by the society one is in) and the national (Tawi-Tawi’s socio-political setting).  His sweeping execution is intensely subtle as emotions are felt without them needing to be coaxed out and particulars are known without them being preached.

If you are open to having your view of Mindanao challenged; if you are up to the idea of watching a movie that puts you in the discomfort zone; if you are willing to question your own judgments and deep-rooted principles, this film is a must-see.

Thy Womb touches you in places you don’t want to be touched but must, and the sensation - not just the memory - lingers on long after you’ve left the theater.

For the full review go to PEP.PH

Weeks after watching the movie, I read about how the poem "To a Mouse" got to be written by Scottish poet Robert Burns,

"The Scottish poet Robert Burns was plowing his fields one day and accidentally destroyed the home of a field mouse. He immediately felt regret for what happened but then realized that unlike people, that mouse would promptly forget the trauma and set about rebuilding his home. He also realized that unlike this tiny creature, he would relive day after day perhaps for years the trauma of having his own house destroyed, each time, experiencing that same initial pain and shock. This even prompted him to write his poem "Ode to a Mouse" to point out the prolonged suffering most of us endure long after a personal tragedy."  

and remembered Thy Womb. 

In the movie, Nora Aunor is resolute, firm but gentle and open. She is constantly weaving by hand a colorful "banig" while looking up to the heavens at night seemingly hoping and at the same time surrendering her fate to the universe. 

Her character is barren, old and delivers babies from other women's wombs. She accepts her inability to have a child of her own as a matter of fact.

But this does not stop her from creating lives or weaving the fate of other people's lives even at her expense.

When her husband played by Bembol Roco is shot by sea pirates, both of them did not just move on with their lives, they literally did not stop to react. They simply responded to the situation at the moment it happened as if it was the most normal thing in the world. They picked themselves up, tended to their wounds and proceeded with the affairs of the day, the week, the month. Nora Aunor specifically helped heal Roco's wounds, after which, she leaves him be to recuperate. 

She did not stop there though as she furthers help Roco with his quest to find a suitable woman to bear him a child by scouting for references and connections. 

Is she creating her own suffering or simply weaving life's circumstances to suit her and her husband's requirements and is finding joy in it?

Did she compensate for her impotency by arranging her husband's marriage to a fertile woman 

or 

was she expressing her own power by creating conditions that will allow other people to similarly express theirs? 

According to the film's director, Tawi-Tawi weavers have no planned design when they create these colorful "banig."  They go with whatever the weave, the moment, the color takes them. Whatever is laid or overlaid happens and simply just IS. There is no attachment to the result. There is no need to exert control. They allow the weave to cross or intercross naturally. They weave with calmness. They finish with calmness. The process is neither personal and impersonal.  It is just what the moment calls for and they work with it. 

Nora Aunor's character IS Thy Womb. 

She creates, she weaves and she releases and lets her creation go. 

Despite being literally barren, she is the ultimate creator. 

If you're religious and Catholic, you could parallel Nora Aunor's character - Shaleha - to Jesus Christ or the Christ Consciousness -- aka as LOVE: the highest level of consciousness. (If the @CBCP endorses this movie to be watched by its flock - despite the film's characters' worship of Allah, and the absence of pale white male vampires and/or half-naked werewolf dudes - Nora Aunor's Elsa would be dead wrong in its claim that "Walang Himala!"

If you're a New Age Hispster, you could see Shaleha as the ultimate feminine energy - the one that creates and nurtures unconditionally,  that is why she's always looking at the moon you see.

If you're into feminism, you could rally against the patriarchy prevalent in the society she's moving in as well as scoff at Shaleha's efforts and her dysfunctional codependent personality.

If you're into movies like A Secret Affair, No Other Woman, The Mistress, you might think Shaleha's stupid for giving her man away on a silver platter to a girl less than half her age.

If you're still here reading this --  guess what? -- at whatever level of perception you're watching the movie, you might be correct.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5.

Because I heard, and agree, that the movie could just as well be an MMK episode entitled PUSOD.

Why Manny Pacquiao lost to Marquez

My guess is as good as Mommy Dionisia's, Jimmy Kimmel and probably your's.

Mommy Dionisia's guesses:

Minutes after her son lost to Marquez, Manny Pacquiao's mother blamed the pastor who converted Manny to the Protestant faith



and the fact that he didn't carry the holy rosary during the fight.

Here is Manny's mother scolding him for abandoning the rosary. Pacquiao respectfully tells his mom to shut up as the issue is for their family to discuss and should not involve the entire country.



Remarkably, Mommy Dionisia is not alone with this sentiment as an article in the Philippine Daily Inquirer dated June 2012 echoed her beliefs or probably foreshadowed Pacquiao's Dec 8 2012 loss.

“Manny Pacquiao tends to listen to these pastors more than to his advisers and friends from political and boxing circles,” one of the sources claimed.

Those from political and boxing circles, the source said, believed that Pacquiao’s involvement in religious activities has hurt his boxing career.

Before, the source said, the distractions in Pacquiao’s life were his gambling and drinking buddies. “Now, the distractions are the pastors and they are far more costly than the previous ones.”

“The old Manny Pacquiao is gone. Atop the ring, he is no longer as ferocious as before. Unless he learns to temper his newfound passion and obsession, we would no longer see knock-out victories in his future fights,” the source averred.

Jimmy Kimmel's guess:

"The last time you were here, you said you quit drinking, you quit gambling and you quit cockfighting and then for the first time in 7 years, you lost the fight...are you going to go back to drinking, gambling, cockfighting."

Since Pacquiao's much disputed win against Marquez back in 2011, Pacquiao had a change of heart and decided to go to religion full time - as a replacement to his previous vices perhaps?

He also reportedly shunned extra-marital affairs and was preaching the "errors" of his ways.

Back then, circa A. K. (after Krista) - the Filipina actress he reportedly had a fling with - Manny could easily joke about his misdemeanors publicly. In a party with the Philippine press, he joked about a woman resembling `you-know-who-wink-wink-nudge-nudge' who was present in the room.

But flash forward to circa A.P. (after Pastor), when Manny was interviewed during his training at Freddie Roach's gym by a GMA News reporter and he was being watched by or was within the vicinity of a beautiful full-breasted woman, Manny couldn't even look at her or acknowledge her presence and jokes with the reporter not to say bad words or something to that effect. (Apologies, I cant find these vids online)

Does Manny Pacquiao need to go back to his old ways so he can get his groove back?


My guess:

Wait a minit, wasn't Pacquiao's mojo already waning in 2011 when he won against Marquez? A win that Marquez fans thought was rigged. Though Pacquiao technically landed "more strikes, 176 to 138, and land(ed) more power punches, 117 to 100"  his win wasn't really that convincing thus the 2012 rematch to prove who really had the best mojo?

Could Manny turning to bible studies and God his way of cleansing himself from potential losses and unsatisfactory win and is his way to bring himself luck?

Maybe, maybe not.

But insiders claim that his new found faith is similarly a vice, the same way gambling was.

"A source close to Pacquiao told the Philippine Daily Inquirer that these pastors have been abusing the man’s kindness and generosity.

“They are making our boxing idol a milking cow. The real Manny Pacquiao doesn’t know how to say no."

Is it because he's a boxer thus his poor boundaries? or is it because he's a regular dude - regular dudes have difficulty saying no for some reason, specially dudes who are concerned with what people will think of them when they do.

Does Pacquiao need to go back to his vices so he can get his energy back?

I think it's not that he needs to go back to his vices but that he should acknowledge his desires for these vices. Maybe him repressing his desires is taking a lot of his energy - which he could channel instead to the fight.

But then, if he did go to his old ways and still lose, him being in a vice might be seen as the cause of his loss.

Or maybe a boxer's career really is short and sweet the same way music producer/singer/composer David Foster says about musical artists: `they could only make Billboard-topping music for a specific amount of time after which the magic just fades.'


As an experiment, I wonder if Manny Pacquiao is open to trying out gambling, cockfighting again and carrying the rosary, let's see if he wins next time.

Or did the gay community hex Manny's fights because Pacquiao called all of them "sinners"?


Whatchathink?

What Air Supply's Making Love Out of Nothing At All is all about

And I found out when I accidentally listened to the song inside a public utility vehicle because the driver was listening to a radio station which played it. 

And when the lyrics rolled off I was mesmerized that - all this time - this was what the song was all about.

Play the song below and you'll get it too.

It's about a man (let's say it's a man because the song is being sung by a man) who knows exactly - up to the infinitesimal detail - what to say, how to say it, when to say it -  to his significant other / partner / lover to make her (let's say it's a 'her' because the song's original music video says it is) have sex with him.

"And I know just where to touch you,
And I know just what to prove.
I know when to pull you closer,
And I know when to let you loose.
And I know the night is fading,
And I know that time's gonna fly.
And I'm never gonna tell you ev'rything I've gotta tell you.
But I know I've gotta give it a try."

If he needs to lie, scheme or be a fake - so be it. These are necessities to his end goal. If there is collateral damage because of his use of these techniques, he really couldn't care less.

Though he could tell the truth too, he only does so when he feels the need to and when he thinks it will be for his benefit.

And yes, he could dream, just like everyone else but the difference is that he knows WHEN to dream.

As if he has planned everything - every minor and major detail.

He recognizes which strategy to hatch and when to implement it

The same way he has MEMORIZED where to touch his lover and what body part, and for how long.
He has studied all these with a specific goal in mind - either to give her pleasure  and / or because he has something to prove.

If this song is about how to succeed in business, how to land that account or how to rule the world - all these calculations make perfect sense. 

But it isn't.

It's about making love

and his dilemma is that he can't FIGURE OUT why his partner/lover can make love out of nothing at all and he can't.

He knows he can only do the following:

feign making love;

NOT surrender to the moment;

act / do the motions associated with having sex;

pull from his memory specific mental images and/or all the should's, would's, could's he believes he must do/must happen/he believes she must feel, etc.

make meticulous, planned "love";

ape spontaneity;

move, act, do as according to what he KNOWS and what he thinks as based on his past and/or his plans for the future.

be disengaged with what is happening now.



And he can't understand why she can simply make love even in the absence of all these mental machinations.  Simply put, he doesn't get her. He can't even accept her for what she is as he is continually processing her mentally on his head in an attempt to UNDERSTAND what she is all about and how she can make love from scratch aka spontaneously aka without thinking about it - she just does.




"And I know the roads to riches,
And I know the ways to fame.
I know all the rules and then I know how to break them.
And I always know the name of the game.
But I don't know how to leave you,
And I'll never let you fall.
And I don't know how you do it,
Making love out of nothin' at all." 


And he knows everything he needs to do, he needs to say, he needs to think to win / score a point / achieve his goals.

But he doesn't know how to stop himself from controlling the situation to suit him.

All he knows is how to control - his thoughts / other people's reactions / his environment.

And he can't understand how she can just let go and go with the making-love-flow.

He can't understand her because he can't feel her.

He can't even feel himself going through the motions - he can only think it through.

He can only think of her and see her as someone separate and distant from him. He can't comprehend her no matter how much he goes around in circles in his head.

"How could she do that?"  He wonders.

"Why can't I be like her?" He envies.

"Why cant I make love without thinking much into making love?"

"Why can I only pretend to make love but not really be in love? and why can she?"

"Maybe if I have her, I can have a little of her inner light, her genuineness, her uninhibited relax-ness."

And these are what he wants to tell / ask her but can't, he want to but he doesn't try.
The result: frustrating sex for him and / or the other. 

Because he can only think about how to have sex. He knows it by rote.

He can only control his actions and manipulate her reactions.

He knows what to say and how to make her believe why she should believe in him; and why she should stay with him. But he doesn't really mean any of these.

He can only know the following:


When he turns to point A, it will lead to point B;

if he pushes this button here, it will eject this X there;

and if he touches this area here, it will produce this Y reaction.

None of these he feels. He just remembers. He can only know control. It's like answering a multiple choice question and acing it but not really understanding the test. He just knows that if he takes it, it will get him to the next level.

He's committed all these to memory so that when he needs them, he can pull them out easily and use these to his benefit.

He really doesn't GET her.

But he needs her. If he at least figures her out, maybe he could at least have a part of her in him. Because he knows he's empty in some way. A piece of him is missing. And maybe she could complete him.  But she can't.

No one can.

Only he can complete him if he first lets go of his need to figure everything out,

 only then will everything make sense.


And that is why he's having nightmares. It's him messing with himself.

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun,
Are streamin' through the waves in your hair.
Find more similar lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.com/t9And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes,
Like a spotlight. The beating of my heart is a drum.
And it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you.
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night,
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.
I've got to follow it, 'cause ev'rything I know,
Well, it's nothing till I give it to you.

What is happening to them? Even the sex act has become mental. They can only think about it; they cannot do it because doing will involve their whole being. And whenever there is any involvement of the whole, the head becomes uneasy because then it can no more be the master; it can no more be in control.


 you have to move in it forgetting all that you have heard about sex, studied about sex, all that the society has told you: the church, your religion, the teachers. Forget everything and get involved in it in your totality. Forget to control! Control is the barrier. Rather, be possessed by it; do not control it.


and love should not be a mind thing -- that you are continuously thinking of how to make love and then go to sleep. Love should be a deeper involvement of your whole being, and it should not be projected by the mind, but should come out spontaneously. 

There is no need to plan, there is no need to rehearse in the mind. There is no need to do anything in particular: just be loving and available. Go on playing with each other's energy. And when you start making love, there is no need to make it great. Otherwise you will be pretending and so will the other person. He will pretend that he is a great lover and you will pretend that you are a great lover ... and both are unsatisfied! There is no need to pose anything. It is a very silent prayer. Making love is meditation. It is sacred, it is the holiest of holies. So while you are making love to a man go very slowly ... with taste, taking in every flavor of it. And very slowly: there is no hurry, no need to hurry, enough time is there. THE OPEN SECRET, Chapter 4 - Osho And while making love, forget about orgasm. Rather, be in a relaxed state with the man, relax into each other. The western mind is continuously thinking about when it is coming and how to make it fast and great and this and that. The thinking does not allow the body energies to function. It does not allow the body to have its own way; the mind goes on interfering... Relax with the man. If nothing happens there is no need for anything to happen. If nothing happens then that is what is happening...and that too is beautiful! Orgasm is not such a thing that it has to happen every day. Sex should be just being together, just dissolving into each other. Then one can keep making love for half an hour, for one hour, just relaxing into each other. Then you will be of utter mindlessness, because there is no need for the mind. Love is the only thing where the mind is not needed; and that is where the West is wrong: it brings in the mind even there!  THE OPEN SECRET, Chapter 4 - Osho