The problem with PLDT myDSL's Anna Banana Commercial - Updated

Let me guess the target market for this ad.



It's for low to middle income families who can afford a phoneline and internet connection in their homes (and who idealize living in a detached 3-bedroom house in an exclusive village) but cannot afford a Yaya or maid of their own

- probably because the salary meant for Yaya went to the phone company instead. If Yaya were there, Mommy could have elicited her help and included in the househelp's job description:

"create YouTube account, click to play Anna Banana video every 5 minutes."

Or at least: "do the groceries and turn the faucet off while I click on Anna Banana video every 5 minutes."

Or "call relatives and ask them to click on Anna Banana video every 5 minutes."

If the family in this ad is living in a Western country or have Western sensibilities, it is believable if they're not asking relatives for help in watching the vid. But clearly, they are in the PH, despite them living in a very 1st-world looking suburb, because - LOOK! - they're using PLDT.

Could you imagine anyone in the PH living in a house that big with no househelp? Could you? I'll give you three seconds.

Now, do you see that it is definitely unreal?

Of course ads aren't supposed to be "real," they only have to be believable or at least culturally correct / relatable.

If you could relate to this ad, If you find nothing off or odd or OA about this ad, then it is definitely for you. Surprise! you're PLDT myDSL's target market.


Second Surprise! The ad is for parents who are not grounded in their own reality. If ever the parents insist they're "grounded," they are only so in a way that fits with what they want/imagine that reality to be - they refuse to see what, who or where they are NOW.

Do you know those kind of parents?

You know -- - those parents who buy all the raffle tickets in the barangay kiddie beauty pageant contest their daughter is in so that their daughter will emerge as a winner (because they can't stand it if their daughter loses)

or the parents who do their kid's project because they couldnt stand seeing their child submit to the school a bad-looking one / or they couldnt stand seeing their child huff and puff and be challenged enough to actually make one,

Do you know those kind of parents? Or is it you?

Another surprise! We've all been there because it's easy. Us as a caregiver, helping - more than its necessary to do so - oddly calms us. Giving - more than we should - gives us a sense of (false) pride. "I helped, Im a good person, bow."

As the receiver of too much care from a giver, us as children - at one point in our lives - were then given permission to be complacent and to look up at ourselves not with truth but with warm-flattering-studio lights - the kind that conceals what we cannot yet admit/face/want to see.

Do you know a child like that? Or was it - is it still - you?


I found it disturbing how the mother in the ad is obsessed with getting her son's video to reach 100 views - and she's doing it all on her own - unnatural in our cultural context.

Because you SEE, it isn't about her son, really.

It's about her.

The 100 views is more for the mother than it is for her son. She thinks that by doing everything, she is therefore doing good - and by whose standards?

She is obsessed with the idea that her son might think of himself as pathetic - and that she is the mother of a pathetic son no one wants to watch - so she might as well control his perception which trumps everything else reality is telling her:

that her son's vid - though cute - really doesn't deserve 100 views,

that she is not really helping her son by helping him,

that giving everything is not loving (giving is giving, loving is simply just loving);

that she cannot see her son the way he is and so prefer to look at him the way she wants to see him - the fact that she is idealizing him means she is disrespecting him and so cannot see him as anything else other than what she wants him to be;

She thinks less of herself if people don't like her son or

she think more of herself if people like him - (SHE CAN'T SEEM TO SEE THE FACT THAT: "PEOPLE ONLY CARE IF YOU DO" is more real than her delusion);


Can she actually look at her son NOW and see him for what he is right at this MOMENT and not what she wants him to be?

Clearly, she wants to do anything and everything to make her child happy because she thinks that that's what would make her happy.

She carries all that weight to make her child's life easy, to make her child live the life the way he wants, the way she imagine his life should be - struggle-free and pain-free - even if sometimes it is best to allow him to learn how to do, think, be on his own.


See the fear in her eyes? Can she admit that she is afraid more for herself - and what people will think of how much control she has over her child's false self - than it is to raise an emotionally healthy person?




Her child is only taking his cue from her.

So it is no wonder that he's singing a self-made song about a girl who he says is his crush but compares her instead to a fried fruit is not really for the girl, it's for himself.

He really doesn't care about the girl, he only cares for what everybody thinks (how cool) he is in that vid by making it supposedly for the girl.

He only cares that people care. After all, he has the 100 views to prove it.

As long as he doesn't find out the numbers were manipulated by his own mother in the same way she manipulates his pseudo-self-esteem, trust in the fact that he'll grow up a brat, a Mama's Boy, a narcissist or a jerk.


--- I suddenly remember one Christmas years ago at the World Trade Center Xmas Bazaar where people were packed like sardines in the venue while looking at and buying Christmas-related wares/products/gifts. The place was so packed people were shoving each other for space. I saw a young boy - probably 11 or 12 loose his footing for some reason - as it was natural to do at an overcrowded venue - but suddenly blames his "shameful" "ego-"trip" (pun intended) on his Yaya.

"Oy! Wala akong ginagawa sayo ah!" the yaya blurted out as if she has done so - and is so used to do - for the nth time.

"Ikaw eh!" the brat insisted.

To which his mother handled the situation by embracing the boy, patting his back and healing his bruised identity - as one incapable of falling over - by condoning his un-called for blame and pacifying his temper. And suddenly, in my mind's eye, I see him years after playing the same game but this time addressing the blame to his mom.




Oh, and this post really is not about the ad, it is about YOU.

The ad was made for you anyway and the fact that you like it or find nothing wrong with it means the makers of the ad know YOU.

That's a signal for you to ask: "Do I know me?"



Actual Youtube comments about the ad:


Nobody but his mom would watch his video. His mom had to feed his ego to boost his self-esteem. I feel for the mom.
EJBronteable 2 days ago 9


from what country did this take place? Philippines?
TheMegaCommentkid 15 hours ago


yan ang tunay na magulang !!
gagawin ang lahat mapasaya lang
ang anak !! hindi naman lahat pero
na touch ako sa effort ng mama
nya para maka 100views !! hahaha
VerseSeventeen17 4 days ago 14


my kudos to whoever conceptualized wrote and directed this commercial....GENIUS!!
katef4 8 hours ago



"`The problem with kids today...' Stop right there, I'll finish: is parents today."
- The Last Psychiatrist

What Whitney Houston's Songs tell us about being in pseudo-love and being in authentic love

What is pseudo-love?

Pseudo-love is ego-love.

It is you loving the self which the world sees,

it is you caring for the self which the world helped create,

it is appreciating the self from the standards of others, from the judgments and opinion of others,

it is you loving yourself through the eyes of others,

it is you finding your worth only by being deemed worthy by people/places/things/events outside you.

It is you looking at yourself from the eyes of others.



You know you're in pseudo-love when you're saving all your love for someone whom your friends believe is in love with someone else.

You know you do not love your self when you'd rather be home feeling blue when you have an option not to.

You know you're in pseudo-love when you feel the need to run to someone and feel safe in his or her arms, and if you don't, you literally feel like you're going to die.

You know you do not love your self when you feel unfulfilled, empty when there's no one caring for you, no one wiping away your tears or kissing away all your fears.

You're in pseudo-love when you expect someone to fill you up, to give you love - more love than you've ever seen.

You're in pseudo-love when you think he or she is all you've got in this world or that he or she is all the man or woman you'll ever need.

You do not love your self when you allow yourself to belong to someone.

You're in pseudo-love when you live to make him/her happy.



What is authentic love?

Authentic love is knowing your Self,

it is going inside your Self,

it is experiencing all the feelings your Self has gone through - not repressing them, not NOT acknowledging them, not dismissing them, not judging them. It is You just allowing your feelings to surface, you just allow them to be felt by you.

Ultimately, by doing so, you get to know You. The You that is safe, that is still. The You that knows that the You -

as you are - is more than enough.

The You that is left untouched by any pain, attachment, sadness, happiness, pride, etc.

The You that is just is.

The You that is still.

The You that is simply Love.


You're in authentic love when you know no one can take away your soul and dignity.

You're in authentic love when you know that the greatest love of all is inside you.

You're in authentic love when you know love will save the day,

You're in authentic love when you respect and honor your self,

when you feel like doing your hair for you,

when you call your friends and love being and enjoying their company,

when your heart decides to stop riding the emotional roller coaster

and when you feel strong enough to start moving mountains, swimming seas and climbing over walls.




You are secure in Love and in your Self when you realize you can only love someone authentically

when you learn to love your Self first - and you act on this fact.


"If you do not know your inner center, love will become an attachment.

If you know your inner center,

love will become devotion.

But you must first be there to love.

When you re rooted in your self, when you know who you are,

then you will not cling to anyone.

Only then can you love because sharing is possible and with no conditions, no expectations.

You simply share because you have an abundance. You have so much it is overflowing.

This overflowing of yourself is Love."

Osho

F Sionil Jose is not lazy to sign my copy of his book

At Powerbooks on February 11, 2012, F Sionil Jose declares that he prefers to limit the questions asked in the Open Forum so he can sign a lot of copies of the books he is selling.

And we all agreed.


I saw my thesis adviser from my university days and was excited to greet her until I actually did and discovered I combined the first name of Lit teacher A and the last name of Lit teacher B and voila, she shakes her head in puzzlement on why I was calling her by not-her-name.

And then I forgot how I managed to recall her actual name or how she managed to tell me who she is

but I remember how I cringed in embarrassment for my amnesia

and felt shame that I did not remember her but that she actually remembers me and what my thesis was

and I went around in circles trying to save my faux pas

but I could not and so told her, sincerely, how it was good to see her again (am not sure if she could say the same to me) and honored her space by making an exit.



I also witnessed Dr. Margie Holmes express her respect and adoration for F Sionil Jose

and saw I.R. Cruz smile in amusement at Dr. Holmes' candid confession.


F Sionil Jose's daughter offered a seat to me and I also discovered that it was her first time attending a book launch of her father's.


I lined up with mostly old men and women and a few younger women and men (local and foreign) to have our book copies signed (I was carrying a copy of his Gleanings of a Life in Literature) and wondered the standard profile of F Sionil Jose's fans/readers

while an older friend instructs me to stop lining up and eat the free food instead.

The Greatest Voice of All

"Houston was a mezzo-soprano, and was commonly referred to as "The Voice" in reference to her exceptional vocal talent. Her vocal range extended from G below middle C (G3) to high B-flat (B♭5); she could belt out to treble F (F5). No other female pop star – not Mariah Carey, not Celine Dion, not Barbra Streisand – quite rivals Houston in her exquisite vocal fluidity and purity of tone, and her ability to infuse a lyric with mesmerizing melodrama.""


Aint no Way Whitney Houston is dead. But she is.



All at Once, fans took a moment to realize, she's not coming back,

and it's finally hit everyone all at once.


Instantly, we remember that One Moment In Time we heard her excellently unforgettable voice and sang (or at least tried to) any of her songs.

She is the Queen of the Night.

She has more than a Million Dollar Bill.

But sadly, she has Something in Common with the late great Michael Jackson which Houston herself admitted to in her 2009 interview with Oprah).



In her 2009 "comeback," everyone thought she was Fine.

Some even called her return a Miracle.

But now we know It Isn't, It Wasn't, It Ain't Never Gonna Be.


She was open about her struggles and spoke about it so candidly and honestly.

She described how she expertly combined cocaine and marijuana enough for me to be curious enough to Try It on My Own.

She related how she once thought her marriage to her ex-husband Bobbi Brown was Worth It.

She told everyone how she adored her father - despite him suing her for $100M before he died - and staunchly defends him still by claiming that him suing her was influenced by people around him.

She recounts how her husband started to change for the worst when her father died.

She told of how she was spit on.

How she was controlled.

How she witnessed the women come and go in her ex-husband's life

and how she experienced all the abuse and knew its Not Right But Its Okay because she stayed on anyway.

She said

being with Bobbi had become a habit.

"He was my drug" she told Oprah.

She felt he was "All the Man that I Need."


"I Belong to You" -- she probably felt this towards Bobbi.

"Love That Man" she could have said.


Despite the abuse, she was 14 years attached to him enough to declare "(I'm) Saving All My Love For You"

But the pain became unbearable that the cracks were showing.

She was reportedly seen So Emotional in public

yet she stayed and still hoped that Love Will Save the Day.


Whitney My Honey, did you think he will Run To You whenever he said he would?

Did you numb all that pain away with medication?

He might be out of your life but is his evil eyes still haunting you?


She also said "I'm my own worst enemy"

and

"The biggest devil is me."

Kevin Costner confirmed Whitney Houston's feelings of inadequacy when she reportedly asked, "Am I good enough?"

"Would they like me?"



and we could only wonder how she could have felt or thought that way about herself.




I now wonder if Madonna or Tina Turner or Mariah Carey could've helped her, with them having been in a similarly violent and physically/emotionally/sexually abusive, addictive, controlling relationship (Madonna with Sean Penn, Mariah Carey with Tony Mottola and Tina with Ike Turner).

Whitney Houston, the world thanks you for helping us understand the fact that The Greatest Love of All is indeed learning to love one's Self.

In your next life, feel free to say "I Learned from the Best" and that ultimately you can truthfully say "I Know my Own Strength."

What I know about former Pres GMA I learned from my mother

My mother used to work for the Department of Trade and Industry's Garments and Textile Export Board. She was there for more than two decades.

When I was young, I loved to dial her office number after watching the afternoon soap opera "Yagit," When the operator or guard would answer the phone, I'd immediately say "Board Sec" and my call will be transferred to her section.

I would then excitedly tell her the show's highlights as well as all the tragedy which befell Josie - the young thin, dark-skinned girl who is one of the show's protagonist along with her obese - was it brother? - Tom-Tom.

My mother would listen intently to my story whilst saying "ooh" and "aah" as she makes sure she indulges my interest while feigning hers. She would even repeat what I said in playful surprise, "Kinidnap si Josie!?"

to which her officemates would then gather around her and - with great curiosity and concern - ask who was it that got kidnapped. They all heave a sigh of relief when they discover we were only talking about a soap opera.



One time, I got sick and had a very high fever.

It was a weekday and I remember her going home early to check on me.

After she took my temperature and rubbed every nook and cranny of my body with a cold towel, she proceeded to vent and describe how she argued and fought with her "boss."

'She didn't want me to go home early!' my mother angrily said.

'Even after I told her you're sick!' my mother fumed.

'She wanted everyone to stay and do overtime!' my mother gnashed her teeth.

'I told her I can't!' my mother continued.

Mama said she was so angry at her boss' lack of empathy that in the middle of their conversational argument, my mother gallantly walked out. She said she could see from the corner of her eye how her "boss" coldly but incredulously stared at her as she walked out the door.

When she was about to "punch out" - they used time cards back then - she discovered all the time cards were gone. The guard said the "boss" took all of it so that anyone who wants to go home had to pass by - and ask - the "boss" first.

I imagine my mother said in her head, "Fuck it" and left the office to be able to tend to me.

The next day, she said all the time cards were back where they should be.




At that time, I always heard my mother say "GMA" this, "GMA" that.

She never fails to use it in a sentence such as,

"GMA danced Lambada! in our Christmas Party!"

"We were screaming at GMA while she was dancing, we called her `short'"

"GMA shouted and cussed while she slammed the door to her office when she discovered her husband was having an affair."


or

"One of our officemate got the shock of his life when he innocently walked past GMA and she inadvertently asked him to get the average figures for exporter A,B,C,D. Our officemate panicked and absent-mindedly blurted out `Ma`m, add-add and then divide-divide?" To which GMA annoyingly replied, "What are you saying?!"


Reportedly, GMA disliked inefficiency.

Amazingly, she seems to also not carry grudges.

Her favorite curse word is "Punyeta."

She was also so hands-on that she'd give a surprise visit/inspection to a specific department and actually do the job of the clerk so she'd see for herself how export applications were processed as well as how quick it is done - and everyone hated her for it.

On GMA's first day at work, the whole of GTEB held a strike against her which was lead by then law-student-at-night and GTEB employee-by-day (now Atty.) J. Andres. Years later, GMA would be one of the Ninangs in his wedding.



Their office also held weekend Planning Sessions, sort of like a team-building exercise so everyone knew how to work with each other harmoniously.

In one group activity my mother was partnered with GMA.

I imagine my mother said in her head, "Fuck it" but went along for the ride.

During their "activity," my mother said GMA pointedly asked: `Why don't people like me?'

My mother gave an honest answer and described exactly how she would see GMA walk in and walk out of the office without a mere "Hi" "Hello" or even a nod of acknowledgment to anyone.

My mother allegedly suggested: "You could say a curt greeting or at least fake one."

GMA then allegedly responded back, "ISN'T THAT A WASTE OF TIME?"



When GMA went to work the next day, my mother said GMA greeted everyone she passed by until she reached her office. My mother said it was feigned earnestness but the effort was there.



When GMA left GTEB to work somewhere else, her desk was cleaned by the staff. To everyone's surprise, they saw all her pay envelopes (monthly salaries back then were handed out in small brown pay envelopes not thru ATMs) in her drawer - unopened, untouched with the money still intact.




When my grandfather - my mother's Tatay - got sick, Mama wrote GMA a letter.

Then President GMA responded back with another letter but with a recommendation from her addressed to the PCSO which my mother attached to my grandfather's application for financial assistance.

Though PCSO released the money, it did so months after our grandfather died.



When my mother - who is now based in the US - went home to the PH this month to attend her highschool reunion, she saw
a former classmate who is now one of GMA's doctors. Mama's classmate told her how GMA really is sick and that her favorite curse word is still "Punyeta."

Mag thought experiment tayo!

Salamat kay Kuya Yoyoy Villame at Tito Albert Einstein.







And a 1 and a 2 and a 3.......



Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan.




Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


upang ang KAMALAYAN natin ay sumigla.




Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan.




Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


upang ang KAMALAYAN natin ay sumigla.




Pag nalilito, paganahin imahinasyon,


Pag nagugulo, alisin ang sobra sa ulo


yung mga di kelangan

yung nakakapigil sa libreng kaisipan.



Wag matakot mag-eksperimento,

hayaang tumakbo ang utak mo,

basta wag mong pipigilan,

kasi sa huli, kusa mo din ma-iintindihan yan.



Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat,

lima, anim, pito, walo,

walo, pito, anim, lima,

apat, tatlo, dalawa, isa.





Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan.




Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


upang ang KAMALAYAN natin ay sumigla.






Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan,


tuwing kelangan.




Mag thought experiment tayo tuwing kelangan,


upang ang KAMALAYAN natin ay sumigla.



Pag nalilito, paganahin imahinasyon,


Pag nagugulo, alisin ang sobra sa ulo


yung mga di kelangan

yung nakakapigil sa libreng kaisipan.



Wag matakot mag-eksperimento,

hayaang tumakbo ang utak mo,

basta wag mong pipigilan,

kasi sa huli, kusa mo din ma-iintindihan yan.





What are thought experiments?

"Thought experiments are devices of the imagination used to investigate the nature of things. Thought experimenting often takes place when the method of variation is employed in entertaining imaginative suppositions. They are used for diverse reasons in a variety of areas.."

Just how did Einstein's physical insight work? One part was an keen instinct as to which among the flood of experimental reports were truly revealing. Another was his masterful use of thought experiments. Through them Einstein could cut away the distracting clutter and lay bare a core physical insight in profoundly simple and powerfully convincing form.

Why Eat Bulaga is still alive, alert, awake and enthusiastic

From kinder to grade 6, I grew up watching Eat Bulaga every afternoon during lunch break.

From kinder to grade 3, I was able to watch the show in its entirety until 130pm.

From fourth grade to sixth, because I lived a few blocks from the Catholic elementary school my parents enrolled me in and I went home to eat lunch at my grandmother's house, I was able to watch Eat Bulaga until 1pm.

I didn't watch the show because I wanted to, I watched it because the adults in our house did. And I don't remember anything else memorable on TV during lunch at that time. I remember that lunch time until 3pm was "patay na oras" or downtime where one either slept or watched old 1950's-1960's Sampaguita movies.

Eat Bulaga was a show you watched while you did nothing or while nothing was happening.

Now, it is a lunch time staple. It is like rice to mainstream society's "ulam" or `viand' (according to my fourth grade teacher).

In one of the Eat Bulaga episodes I remember,

my father was laughing at Vic Sotto - who was pretending to cook a dish with the help of a male assistant who had a cleft palate.

I didn't understand why my father found it funny when Vic Sotto asked his assistant to check if the oil on the frying pan was hot enough, the assistant waved his hand above the pan but Vic Sotto dunked the assistant's hand in. The assistant, from what I can remember, said - in all seriousness and in his cleft-palate-affected speech - "Walang ganyanan."

I couldn't understand why Vic Sotto and my father found it hilarious.

I did find Aiza Seguerra cute and so it was easy for me to become her instant fan when I saw her in Little Ms Philippines.



It also didn't strike me as odd - at that time - when Joey de Leon wore his street clothes on national TV.


It was in the late 80's that I finally saw what everybody did - the show was inherently / organically, albeit playfully, subversive.

In one of the show's contest - She's Got the Look - a beautiful female contestant was called for her turn in the Question & Answer portion. It was obvious that everyone was awed by her elegance. When she reached the center stage, host Joey de Leon asked the usual - and at that time not yet over-used cliche'/ patronizing question -

"What is your motto?"

The contestant replied, "To be a doctor."

The audience screamed, the contestant smiled but mild panic was all over her face.

Meanwhile, Joey de Leon whispered to the mic while one of his hands was on his face: "Sinasabi ko na nga ba."

The contestant looked to her side and then - probably coached by someone backstage - spoke to the mic, "Time is gold. Time is gold"

In Pinoy Henyo years ago, a male contestant was guessing the word "Kuko."

He couldn't (ermmm) "nail" the word so Joey de Leon helped.


Male contestant 1: Pagkain ba `to?

Contestant 2: Hindi

Male contestant 1: Tao?

Contestant 2: Oo.

Male Contestant 1: Parte ng katawan ng tao?

Contestant 2: Oo.

Joey de Leon: Kinakain din yan.

Male contestant 1: Suso?



More recently, in Eat Bulaga's Juan for all All for Juan segment where Vic Sotto called a contestant via a cellphone and the call gave out a high-pitched buzzing feedback, instead of asking the contestant to lower the volume of her TV, Vic Sotto enjoyed the annoying sound the way a druggie gets his fix - with the technical echo adding to his "high."

Most recently, about six days ago, a Juan for All All for Juan contestant made an error by calling one of the segment's host Wally as Willie - and even mentioned the full, complete name of Willie Revillame. Instead of immediately correcting the mistake, Vic and Joey rode on the error and milked it for all the laughs it could get - with the help of everyone else's genius namely Jose Manalo.




Currently, there is nothing else as relatively edgy and funny on mainstream TV as Eat Bulaga.

Do you remember the time when there were at least one or two local sitcoms shown on primetime TV everyday?

Have you noticed how there are very few now? If there are sitcoms, they turn into gameshows halfway through one season.

Eat Bulaga so far is the only show where funny is allowed. The way mainstream funny is usually permitted to be - lightheartedly offensive but offensive still.

Is it because everyone is so thin-skinned now?

Is it because everyone has more to lose now?

Is it because now in 2011 Philippines - as according to Ely Buendia: "Mahirap (na) magsalita ng totoo dito sa Pinas masyadong sensitive ang mga tao."

A Letter to KC, Rhian and all the girls who've pseudo-loved before

Dear (Place your Name here),


I pray you're feeling better now.

Though I know that me saying this to you is similar to me telling a pedestrian in Manila, "You'll be safe,"

you also know deep in your heart of hearts that being in the relationship you were in is akin to you crossing the street despite CLEAR WARNING SIGNS that doing so would cause death.



And now you feel intense regret, anger for doing so.

The feeling of despair, sadness, remorse, shame is so powerful you cannot shake it off your mind, your body, your self.

It is as if you're trapped in a fog and everywhere you look, everywhere you go you can only see and feel pain. You feel like a walking wound - not wounded. You feel like a wound.

You do not feel like a person.

You feel like you've been dumped on, used, abused, violated, your trust betrayed, lied to, manipulated.

You feel you are a victim.

You do not know what to do.

All you want to do right now is cry.

Then

Go cry.

Go sob.

Go gasp.

Cry and wail from your gut.

Let your tears flow, let your snot go.

Beat your pillows - or beat the hotel pillows. Go anywhere you can do all these freely and away from the eyes and ears of people who might worry that you're losing your mind.

You have lost your mind saying yes to that relationship, now you're just getting it back.

You're getting yourself back. You're also getting your spirit back. But you need to clear the grief and anger from your body first.


Feel free to be sad, be mad. Be all of the above.


All you want right now is to shout.

So go shout.

Go scream.

Let it all out.

Scream from the top of your lungs.


Then maybe, if you listen to yourself hard enough, you'll hear yourself say, "I had a hand in it."

If you look at yourself hard enough, you'll see how you walked yourself to the place where you are now.

And your regret dissolves.

You become kind to yourself.

You see the gift in the pain.

You see, feel, realize that you have received a priceless treasure.

You have been given YOU.


You've been shown the ways,

you have lived the ways of how to NOT love you.

You have been given the gift of your Self.


You now know what to do to LOVE YOU more - the AUTHENTIC YOU - not the You created in your mind, not the You others have created in their minds, not the You which you think You should be.

The YOU just as YOU are.

You now recognize the You who didnt know any better, the You who was working at the level you knew - the level you were used to or grew up into; the level you think you should be in; the level others before you were also in and so you thought you should also be into because you believed that is what you're supposed to do.

Your pain is now telling you to LOVE yourself more.


Go look at yourself in the mirror.

Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself.

Look at yourself in the eyes and

Tell yourself, "I love you,"

and

"I'm sorry."

Mean it. You know you do.


How does it feel to now realize that the dude who said he loved you really didnt?

how does it feel to now know that he couldnt love you?

How could you choose someone to love you when you didnt even love your self?


Now that you know that you didnt love yourself, how could you love others too?

Do you now know that you were in pseudo-love with him as much as he was to you?


And no, love is not giving until it hurts.

Giving is giving. It is not loving.

Helping is helping. It is not loving.

Love is simply loving.

There is no requirement to love. It just is. It does not expect.

Love is not a business transaction. Love is not giving X because you were provided Y.

Love is not doing Z because you were made to feel X.


Love is not giving yourself crumbs and offering the entire cake to others.

"Magtira ka para sayo." is not a loving thing to say or do to yourself.

If you leave crumbs for yourself, you can only give crumbs to others.


Love yourself enough to enjoy the cake. You can only share to others what you yourself have.



You also now know that a decent / mature person - no matter how much codependent / generous / willing you are to give too much of yourself / to allow yourself to get hurt / how poor your self-boundaries are - does not take advantage of your vulnerability/ does not get abusive / disrespectful / cruel.


You also now know that however painful, gut-wrenching, wounding everything is,

your soul is safe.

You have crossed the street

and You are alive.

Be thankful too that you now know there's always an overpass you can walk on to help you get there safe, relatively risk-free and sound.

Celebrate that too.






Love,


Cheezmiss

Sarah Kay: The art of living, capturing and not rushing

"I see the moon

The moon sees me

The moon sees somebody that I don't see.

God bless the moon

and God bless me

and God bless the somebody that I don't see.

If I get to heaven

before you do

I'll make a hole and pull you through

and I'll write your name on every star

in that way the world

won't seem so far"



May 9, 2011- Sarah Kay, Founder of Project V.O.I.C.E performs and discusses living through storytelling and learning how to stop rushing.

Question: If you video-record yourself grieving to remind yourself that you were grieving,

..how "horrible" was the event you're grieving for that you need to tell yourself to remember it?

Not at all "logical."

And now, it's GMA 7's fault, not anymore Twitter.


Grief – authentic ones – take over you. It’s there. You do not need to tell yourself to “remember” the sadness and anger or remind your "Old Man" self of the pain and that it is – according to you – “horrible” - if indeed the horrible-ness affected you.

You only tell yourself to remember a heart-wrenhcing event and have the gall to refer to it as a “souvenir” when you’ve kept the memory of it in your head not your heart. Your head may knows the facts, the details of where you were, where you've been, what you did, what you will do. But the head can only memorize and not assimilate the experience.

Do you remind yourself of these details because you cannot feel it and making an audio-visual note of it is the least you can do?

Why do you need to have yourself remember "this hardest thing" you're going through when it is easier to NOT forget them?
Reportedly, a father who had no choice in the decision to have his child aborted

"have reported having persistant day and night dreams about the child that never was, and considerable guilt, remorse and sadness. For men and women alike, the feeling of emptieness may last a lifetime."


Normally, your remorse, sadness and feelings of emptiness won't let you forget, if indeed these emotions were authentic.

How easily forgettable is that horrible day that you have to video record yourself crying in order to "...remember how difficult (that day) was?"

Unless,


wait a minute, are YOU sure this VIDEO is for YOU?

or is it meant for someone who YOU want to NOT FORGET YOU?

The same words you want that someone to do when you tweeted "Please never forget" at the time you were in cold turkey from her supply/attention.

Is this your way of infiltrating her head and making a dent in her heart enough for her to still THINK of you? It is irrelevant whether she gets hurt, humiliated or emotionally maimed in the process, the objective is for her to either be glad or MAD enough to initiate contact with you (in any manner, type or form) - or at least THINK of YOU - specially if you know you could never get her hooked to you again (and this is your way to make her hooked enough to feel that you never left her).

If pressed and made to `fess up that you were suavely valuing and devaluing her, that you were destroying her life or that you were extracting revenge under the guise of - and using as a red herring your - pseudo-grief, blame GMA7.

But deep, not in your heart but, head - you know you're not really sorry, remorseful or in grief. You are in mourning but not for the reasons you claim. You're grieving because you're not the main character in her life anymore. You have nothing to make her still attached to you the same way you've gotten your previous girlfriends - as well as the mother of your child - still communicating with you in any manner, type or form.

You're left with no reason for her to come back to you or want you or even speak with you.

And you feel like hell.

You're wounded.

You're injured - narcissistically injured.

"The worst thing that could happen to a narcissist is that his wife cheats on him secretly and never tells him, and she doesn't act any differently towards him, so that he couldn't even tell. If she can do all that, that means she exists independently of him. He is not the main character in the movie. She has her own movie and he's not even in it. That's a narcissistic injury. That is the worst calamity that can befall the narcissist.

Any other kind of injury can produce different emotions; maybe sadness, or pain, or anger, or even apathy. But all narcissistic injuries lead to rage. The two aren't just linked; the two are the same. The reaction may look like sadness, but it isn't: it is rage, only rage.

With every narcissistic injury is a reflexive urge towards violence. I'll say it again in case the meaning was not clear: a reflexive urge towards violence. It could be homicide, or suicide, or fire, or breaking a table-- but it is immediate and inevitable. It may be mitigated, or controlled, but the impulse is there. The violence serves two necessary psychological functions: first, it's the natural byproduct of rage. Second, the violence perpetuates the link, the relationship, keeps him in the lead role. "That slut may have had a whole life outside me, but I will make her forever afraid of me." Or he kills himself-- not because he can't live without her, but because from now on she won't be able to live without thinking about him. See? Now it's a drama, but the movie goes on.

So if you cause a narcissist to have a narcissistic injury, get ready for a fight."

'I dont lie.. I just don't give you the truth."

Is akin to taking off the BULL from SHIT.

'I dont lie.. I just don't give you the truth."

What an honest liar that is.

And deserves:

6 Things We Could All Learn from Ruffa, Shaina and John Lloyd

This is old news but it's something we could all learn something from.

Is there a John Lloyd in your life?

Are you acting the way Ruffa is acting?

Do you feel as "insecure" as Shaina?


A disclaimer: the views and opinions expressed on this post are based on details, news which are readily available on mainstream and social media. None of these details are invented and so are appropriately referenced as necessary (and if possible).


The story went: Ruffa and John Lloyd became a couple (which they never admitted) after they worked together in the show Betty La Fea. They were even spotted together at a hotel in L.A. in 2009 but they still admitted to nothing.

In 2010, John Lloyd is now being publicly seen and linked with Shaina. He admits his relationship with Shaina but denies contacting or still calling Ruffa. But Ruffa confirms - and Dr. Vicky Belo too - that John Lloyd is still calling her. John Lloyd releases a statement to the press that he will stay away from Ruffa. Ruffa exclaims that John Lloyd should walk his talk and to `fess up and stop with his "indecisions."

In 2011, John Lloyd and Shaina celebrate their 1st year anniversary. On a bday party of another celebrity, Ruffa, Shaina and John Lloyd meet. Ruffa says she received an angry text from Shaina but Shaina claims it was Ruffa who texted her first. Ruffa tells the couple to leave her alone. John Lloyd and Shaina allow themselves to be interviewed about the incident. Ruffa reveals that John Lloyd is a drunkard. Ruffa now claims that the couple are no longer bothering her.

See ABS-CBN's interesting interactive timeline of the issue - because they care enough to give us the very best.


Minus the details, the summary of the story goes: guy is in a relationship with girl1 but never admits to it. He proceeds to be in a relationship with girl2 but is still holding on to girl1 - but never admits to it. Girl2 is confused and bewildered guy can't let go of girl1 and feels insecure about herself and/or the status of their relationship. Girl2 gets angry at girl1 not at guy. Guy escapes the cat fight and washes his hands off the incident. Girl1 gets back at guy by revealing to the public that boy-next-door is actually a drunk and a womanizer. Girl1 claims guy and girl2 is no longer bothering her.


And the lessons we could all learn from @iloveruffag, Shaina and John Lloyd are:

11 Be wary of a man who has a pattern of having a string of ex-girlfriends he cannot seem to let go off.

Why?

First off, there is nothing wrong when a dude is friends with his ex. There is something wrong when the dude is still extracting supply from his ex and is using friendship as a convenient guise to do so.

When a dude is addicted to the supply he gets to receive from an ex-gf, he will continuously and constantly communicate with her as long as an ex-gf is giving him what he wants. His constant calls / communication is an attempt to hook you still, to keep you hooked, to hold onto you

not because "Iba ka magmahal,"

not because you are special,

not because you are the only one who understands him,

not because you're different,

not because you have that unique one-of-a kind something that keeps him coming back for more,

not because you can give him something his current gf can't give him,

it's because you're still accepting his call and giving him attention = supply.

It's because the man is an addict.

It's because the man cannot help himself -- not because you're gorgeous, loving, yummy --

it's because he cannot help himself.

You are his dealer / supplier.

And if you stop supplying. He will stop taking his fix from you and he will jump to someone else.

You are expendable to him.

You are not an individual to him - you're just a source of whatever it is he needs to feel full, to feel high.


Do this: stop giving him what he wants. Cut off your ties with him. Sever it. STOP CONTACT.

If he knows he cannot get something from you, if he can no longer get what he wants from you, he won't care for you because he never has. He will jump to the next one who can and wants to give him supply.


Dra. Vicki Belo confirms John Lloyd Cruz made several calls to Ruffa Gutierrez.

We can only guess though if this news article is true or not and how half-meant is Willie Revillame's question to John Lloyd at 3:33, "Pano mo napapagsabay-sabay?"






2 Be wary of a man who has a pattern of not defending / who does not stand up for the women he has or has had a relationship with.

This should be taken as a sign that the relationship will highly likely get ugly. When a man does this, this means he only values himself more than he values his partner = he is selfish = self-centered = is more than willing to hurt someone else for his own benefit / gain.

This alone indicates there is no partnership in the first place, if you think there is - the pseudo-partnership is seriously damaged or is in the brink of destruction.

Dagdag naman ni Ruffa: "'Saka, my God, ang dami namang lalake diyan na kaya akong ipagtanggol."


"..when Ciara showed up in A.S.A.P. Mania, the speculation (that she and John Lloyd have broken up) gained some credence when her A.S.A.P. colleagues, while wishing her a happy birthday, kept advising her to find a guy who would and who could fight for her and put her above all else (career included)."



3 Be wary of a man who gives you a warm hug but only does so in exchange for sex, your attention or "love."

Any act of "kindness" or "love"

any "gift"

any "token"

must be taken as it is - an act of kindness/love, a gift, a token.

Do not equate it with a genuine gesture of change, apology, regret, shame or guilt.

To be able to know if these "acts," tokens or gifts are sincere, the least you can do is express and give your appreciation - NO MORE - NO LESS and NOTHING ELSE. If he expects more than this, he is expecting a business transaction and not an authentic, sincere heart to heart interaction.

Remember, just because he did ABC does not mean/ it does not oblige you to do XYZ.



4 Just because he's not physically hurting you does not mean he's not abusing you. If he is abusing you and you're allowing it, you are abusing YOU too.


"Hindi naman daw sumama ang loob niya kahit na idinenay ni John Lloyd na tumatawag ito sa kanya.
`For me naman, there's no issue whatsoever. I mean, he can call me ten times a day or he can call me once a year. You know, JL and I are still friends.'"

is equal to: "Hindi naman kelangang pahalagahan niya ako, ok lang yun. Kung hindi niya aaminin ang papel ko sa buhay niya, hindi issue yun. Sino ba ako naman ako. Kung wala akong kwenta sa kanya, ok lang. Pwde pa rin naman nya akong tawagan kahit kelan nya gusto. Lagi pa rin akong nandito para sa kanya. Magkaibigan pa rin kami."


"Alam mo yung pagiging babaero niya, siguro second na lang yun, e."

is equal to: "Nakikipag-relasyon sya sa ibang babae bukod sakin, hindi ko priority kapag pinagtataksilan ako ng ka-relasyon ko."



"And of course coming from a relationship so volatile [and] abusive, ang sagot ko sa kanya, 'You can drink all you want till you turn blue, I don't care.'"

is equal to: "Okay na yung lasenggero kesa nambubugbog."




5 If you feel "insecure," find out if your insecurity is a long-standing issue you have with your self or is it something you feel has been recently brought out by something or someone.

Remember though that nothing or no one could make you feel insecure without your permission.



6 In the words of Tita Oprah: "If someone tells you who they are, believe them."
Do NOT give him/her the benefit of the doubt because you have just received a GOLDEN gift straight from the horse's mouth.

Ruffa Gutierrez explains why her relationship with JohnLloyd ended. She claims JohnLloyd told her: "'Hindi mo magugustuhan pag nakilala mo na ako,' and (she) said ano yun?'

"Then sinabi nga niya sa akin na 'I drink a lot, hapon pa lang minsan umiinom na ako.'"

Remember to treasure the knowledge others give to you freely and act on this knowledge. This is heaven's gift to help you make the choices that is right for you.




Have you learned anything from Ruffa, Shaina or John Lloyd? Share naman `jan.

A re-post from The Last Psychiatrist

What you need me for is to untrain you, force you to realize that focusing on the obvious bad guys is a defense against looking at everything else, because that everything else is you.

You were trained by media which labels hypocrisy as the worst sin imaginable; and individual instances of corruption...as the appropriate target for your wrath. Bernie Madoff is not your problem, he is not your enemy, and unless you lost money to him he is nothing to you; and as long as you can be reminded to be angry at him you are not going to ask why the system needs Bernie Madoffs to survive.

...If they can drive you to rage, they've succeeded.

Here's the synthesis: there's an argument against OccupyWallSt, and another about a beating your daughter, and another about raping some kid in a shower, and this, and etc-- all of these are the same thing. All of these represent the institutionalization, the mainstream acceptance, of self-serving behavior because that behavior allows everyone else to be equally self-serving. Or, in more basic yet precise language: individual narcissism is encouraged to permit the existence of societal narcissism, all of which is at the expense of your soul. Repent.

Truth Wizard calls Ramona Bautista's facial expressions "emotionally dull"

What is a Truth Wizard?

"A "Truth Wizard" is a person identified in the Wizards Project, who can identify deception with exceptional accuracy of at least 80% or higher, whereas the average person is only as good as a coin toss. No Truth Wizard, however, is 100% accurate. The term "wizard" refers to "a person of amazing skill or accomplishment"[1].


What is the Wizards Project?

"The Wizards Project (formerly called the Diogenes Project) was a research project conducted by Paul Ekman and Maureen O'Sullivan that studied the ability of people to detect lies told by others. The project was originally named after the Greek philosopher who would look into people's faces using a lamp, claiming to be looking for an honest man."

Who is Paul Ekman?

Paul Ekman is a psychologist who has been a pioneer in the study of emotions and their relation to facial expressions.



****


Note that the Truth Wizard I asked lives in - and is from - the US, speaks English and does not understand the Filipino language.

She therefore has to rely only on facial expressions shown by Ramona Bautista on the vid below.

I asked what she could discern from Ramona Bautista's facial expressions. I explained that in the video below, Ramona is describing what she saw when her brother was murdered.




With EyesForLies permission, she observes - absent of any translation - that Ramona Bautista is "emotionally dull" -- not a natural thing to be after witnessing the murder of a sibling. She said she had to google Ramona Bautsita's name to know if Ramona was indeed talking about a murder and found it interesting that Ramona is being tagged as a suspect.


EyesforLies is a Truth Wizard. According to her blog, she "has a 97.3% accuracy rate (to date) after identifying truth and deception in 37/38 people before the truth was known by watching media clips. Eyes for Lies is not psychic."


She relies on subtle facial expressions, microexpressions, verbal cues and a host of other minute details the average person mostly cannot see, usually dismiss or conveniently explain away.

"How does she spot lies?

Eyes for Lies looks for behavioral evidence. When people are under high stress situations and they are deceptive, subconscious clues leak out that tell the real story. Eyes for Lies coined this "behavioral evidence".

"They [wizards] seem to have templates of people that they use to make sense of the behavioral deviations they observe." says [Dr. Maureen] O'Sullivan. So it is not a set of disembodied cues, but embedded behaviors that are consistent with each other as well as with the kind of person exhibiting them."


Paul Ekman says at 48:04-48:23 on Truth Wizards:



"...we don't know why they're so good...they're uncanny...They don't miss anything. Every aspect of your speech, mannerism, what you're doing with your hands. They're continuing to generate hypotheses as they go along. "

Ramona Bautista's audition tape for PBB

Yell 5-4-3-2-1......ACTION! at 0:32.



If a murder did not happen, you'd think she's telling the plot of an action movie.

I can't help but think that this is her audition tape for Pinoy Big Brother.

Is that why the related videos shown by YouTube are also PBB-related?

Why does she pause at 1:04? when telling the story of how a man is standing at the door of his brother's room?

What is she trying to remember "correctly?"

When she says, "Hindi ko iniwang bukas yung pinto. Hindi po ako nagbukas." this is probably true

"Hindi ko trabahong i lock ung pinto dahil hindi ko naman alam yun e."

"Si Janelle po ang katabi ng pinto. Dapat sya po ang maglock."


It is as if she is cleansing herself from sin and that it was whoever opened the door who was at fault for the murder because the one who opened the door welcomed the perpetrator.

"..andun yung lalake sa pintuan nagulat po ako."

No she was not startled because her voice does not say so, it seems she has been expecting the man-by-the-door to appear.
Also, that sentence is awkward.

"..andun yung lalake sa pintuan nagulat po ako."

That statement shows she is trying to remember something from the memory of what she saw and not from what she felt when she saw it - if indeed she was authentically startled. If she really was "nagulat," won't she or anyone naturally / normally say:

"..nagulat ako...may lalake sa pintuan."

Why did she say

"..andun YUNG lalake.."?

What's the difference when you refer to someone as "Yung lalake.." (doesn't this suggest familiarity?)

compared to "May lalake.."?



Why do I have the feeling that empathy does not run in the Revilla family.

To be fair, Ramona Bautista is so lucky to not have been hurt by the perpetrator. She really should thank his brother for "saving her life."

It is also fair to say that she probably did not drink the appropriate amount of milk when she was growing up because of the evident memory gaps in her statement as published by Pep.ph on November 4.




Her body language in the news video below contradicts Ramona's own statement in the same video where she says "Her conscience is clear."

Why is she covering her face with her hair and why can't she keep her head up? What is she ashamed of? She says she's ashamed she left her brother and his gf dead. She also cried in an interview when she said she heard the news that Janelle was still alive.

She cried when she heard the news that Janelle was still alive?

Did she cry because she knows that she now has to make her statements consistent with the survivor?

Also, it is not just me who thinks and hears Ramona's voice is devoid of sadness when relating the story of his brother's murder.




Maybe crying on cue with no tears also run in their immediate family - like Mother like Daughter.

Why is Claudine Barretto angry?

Note that I am not privy to any personal detail or information about Claudine Barretto save from the news and information she readily and generously makes available to media (social and mainstream).

Note that my interest on this issue is from an educational viewpoint because we could learn a lot from what we see and hear. You might even discover that there might be a Claudine-Barretto-like person in your own life.


Can you see a pattern here?

It was September last year when Claudine Barretto sent out angry tweets to an un-named person who apparently was destroying her home/family/marital life. Her rage reached the point where she issued grave threats:


"[P]apatayin kita. You don't deserve to live. Suntukan tayo ngayon na."

Eventually, she named the target of her rage as Angelica Panganiban.

And rightfully so, Angelica's home network issued a demand letter to Claudine.

Claudine kept quiet after this legal shocker.

She also kept quiet when the man she used to call as her second father, Star Magic head honcho Johnny Manahan, called on Claudine's threat to see them all in court: "Go Ahead. Sue, Claudine. Make our Day! Para Bellum."

At that time, notice that her rage hit the news fans at the same period when her then self-titled drama show in GMA was cancelled due to low ratings.


Could it be that Claudine's rage was due to her being histrionic?

"Histrionics resemble narcissists - both seek attention compulsively and are markedly dysphoric and uncomfortable when not at the center of attention. They have to be the life of the party. If they fail in achieving this pivotal role, they act out, create hysterical scenes, or confabulate."

That was last year.


At almost the same time this year, Claudine was not saved from her own tears, rage and fears when she called a GMA News Team to a bank in Quezon City after learning that her bank account went from an alleged 5million-peso to a Zero.




I know it is not just me who thinks that if Claudine were the aggrieved party, she will not be flaunting her rage for all her fans and endorsers to see. It is obvious though that she clearly thinks that it is she who has been aggrieved. If I were the injured party, I'd flaunt pity, not rage.

It also does not make any sense how a bank would lose millions of pesos from a client's account and despite the account being a joint bank account of husband and wife, the news has conveniently left out Raymart's side - other than the damage control press release statement issued by the married couple who claim they are "still very much together."

I know it s not just me who finds these details inconsistent and not making any sense at all.


I have a feeling Claudine Barretto does not easily back down and always wants to get the upper hand on anything.

In the interview she and Raymart did on Showbiz Central's Don't Lie to Me on July 2010,

see Raymart cower and submit to what Claudine thinks is her correct knowledge on a flimsy detail (4:27-4:37).

In this clip, Claudine mentions the burial date of their pastor friend who passed away and looks on to Raymart for confirmation.

Raymart volunteers the information "Today"

Claudine interprets it as "Tuesday pala"

Raymart corrects her again and speaks to the mic this time to say, "Today, today."

Claudine gives an expression of surprise, "Huh?"

Raymart reluctantly and reiterates "Today"

Claudine insists what she knows: "Hinde. Ang alam ko tomorrow."


Watch how she does not waver and sticks to what she thinks she knows is right while Raymart sheepishly gives in.






Has Claudine Barretto always been this angry?


I do not live with her 24/7 nor was I present when she was growing up. But I did watch on TV her live interview about Rico Yan's death and re-watched it again via the uploaded video on YouTube below:




In this exclusive interview, Boy Abunda asks Claudine to relate the details of how she knew of Rico Yan's death.

I have the feeling that Claudine is 100% telling the facts from 0:27-1:41 and her facial expressions and words are telling us the truth.

When Claudine saw her mother pale and asks her mother why this is so (0:50-0:57) , Claudine rolls her eyes in annoyance and irritation as she tells us her mother's answer.

When she finally reaches the point of her story where she now knows that "Rico has passed away," (1:31-1:37)

notice how she says: "yun, yun lang"

-- could this be her exact same sentiment about his death?

Her apathy is striking.


Imagine that you were in a close and intimate relationship with someone who has just died - regardless whether the relationship was loving or abusive - and see yourself relating / re-living the moments you learned of his or her death. Would you also remember / re-live the feelings you felt at those moments? More than remember, they would surely come up on their own provided that you did feel those feelings.

And her non-feeling was confirmed by Claudine herself when asked by Boy Abunda at 2:36: "Were you hoping if he was still alive?"

Claudine responded at 2:47: "I was hoping he was still in the hospital. I don't know what I felt exactly."

Notice that Claudine was more emphatic when she was relating what her mother said as the reason of her mom's paleness: "Nahihilo lang daw sya" (0:55-0:58).


What was most telling was 2:53-2:54 when she re-stated her exact feelings about her ex-lover's death:

"This cannot happen to ME."

and added as an afterthought - remembering how that statement would reflect on her -

"or to him. More than anything, this cannot happen to him"

with her tears grinding to a halt at 2:55-3:00.


I do not know the reason for her microexpression of anger and disgust - which her face leaks out at (pause at) 3:39.

She also grits her teeth (this is an expression of anger which she is trying to hold back) at 3:49 and at 4:28-4:29 in reference to the problems she and Rico were facing as already forgiven, "we forgive each other na."




And why does she like to pick fights?






I have the feeling that ABS-CBN knows of Claudine Barretto's attitude and has expertly maneuvered, protected and built her soft, wholesome image. They have also performed tons of damage control.

Now that she is being handled by GMA - who relatively knows little of Claudine's probable Histrionic Personality Disorder - it is anyone's guess what will happen next in her career.



"From time to time, no longer able to pretend and to suppress their rage, they have it out with the real source of their anger. Then they lose all vestiges of self-control and rave like lunatics. They shout incoherently, make absurd accusations, distort facts, and air long-suppressed grievances, allegations and suspicions.

These episodes are followed by periods of saccharine sentimentality and excessive flattering and submissiveness towards the victim of the latest rage attack. Driven by the mortal fear of being abandoned or ignored, the narcissist repulsively debases and demeans himself.

Most narcissists are prone to be angry. Their anger is always sudden, raging, frightening and without an apparent provocation by an outside agent. It would seem that narcissists are in a CONSTANT state of rage, which is effectively controlled most of the time. It manifests itself only when the narcissist's defences are down, incapacitated, or adversely affected by circumstances, inner or external.

Pathological anger is neither coherent, not externally induced. It emanates from the inside and it is diffuse, directed at the "world" and at "injustice" in general. The narcissist is capable of identifying the IMMEDIATE cause of his fury. Still, upon closer scrutiny, the cause is likely to be found lacking and the anger excessive, disproportionate, and incoherent."

Hope is a sin, best to stop sinning now

It was raining.

I wanted to go home.

And so did everyone else.

I - along with everybody else - managed to get inside a jeep.

Unlike most everyone though, they managed to get seats.

Fortunately, there was a vacant sliver of space available and I managed to push myself within it but was deliberately pushed out by a female uniformed- college student.

"Naka-reserve na `to." she says.

CheezMiss: "Reserve?! Ano `to sine?"

"May naka-reserve na dito!" she insists.

And lo and behold, the man of her dreams enters the jeep and conveniently sits his happy ass on the vacant space.

A kind passenger offered a sliver of a sliver of a vacant space which I sat on but could not. The sliver of a sliver of vacant space won't let me and my knees and legs are letting me know that how ever hard I try to sit, it is humanly not possible to do so.

The jeep drove on, the jeep moved on. I also tried to.

"May bababa naman jan pagtawid sa highway." The kind passenger offered to say. It was the least anyone could do.

The least I could do was hope that someone would go down anytime now, anytime. My knees and legs were hoping too.

And then I heard myself say

"Fuck it," and

saw myself sat my happy ass on the legs of female uniformed-college student.

She yelped.

"Sorry, walang maupuan eh." I yelped too.

Now I have moved on, along with the jeep.

And no one went down when the jeep crossed the highway.

No one went down until I was more than halfway home.

When a few passengers did, I placed my ass on the now vacant space and thanked the female college-uniformed student.

She didn't look at me.

And she probably never in her life hoped she'd be sat on by someone else other than the man of her dreams - and a girl to boot.

And my happy ass is probably the universe's way of telling her: Put your self first girl, not a dude, even if it's the man of your dreams - because the authentic man of your dreams won't let you put him first & he allows you the freedom to put you as the priority, not him.

And his happy ass is probably the universe's way of telling me, if I had hoped, if I had given to the tug of hope that someone would go down the jeep in 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes,

I'd probably miss the point of the moment.

Hope keeps you clinging, hope keeps you attached to the outcome, hope keeps you alive but in suffering, hope keeps you happily miserable.

Hope keeps you distracted and away from the richness of the now and the spontaniety, awareness of the moment.

"Every MOMENT...is composed of a series of discrete moving parts, and every one of those parts offers an opportunity for intervention, for reform, and for correction." (Gladwell, BLINK, p.246)

Hope keeps you in the my-day-will-soon-come attitude.

If I had clung to hope, I would have been able to sit but not until my knees and legs throbbed in discomfort. Then, I would have festered in anger at the uniformed-college student's and her boyfriend's attitude. I would have went home with my anger still festering and probably would have slept with my anger turning into a nightmare, and none of us would have learned anything from the experience.

I feel, there is wisdom in the now.

Being in the moment leaves you no choice.

Being in the moment allows you to be authentic.

Being in the moment gives you the freedom to experience the now and not expect anything from the future or think and live off the past.

Note the difference between a moment / the now, and the call or impulse of giving in to immediate gratification.

The latter desires, wants, and expects fulfillment.

The moment just does.

It acts.

The moment comes from awareness. Awareness dissolves choice. There is no conscious decision, just a flourish of an act which awareness has made possible to come, to arrive. It is just there. You see yourself going there, you see and hear yourself there. And you are. It happens not in a minute but just a split second. And the moment has arrived. And then it goes. Best to just allow it.

And hope represses this allowing of the moment to rise of its own accord.

With awareness, hope dissolves. Hope becomes unnecessary. What is left is trust and the deep knowing that the moment alone will take care of itself as long as you let it.

Patalastas ni Pastor Pasahero sa jeep na Pasay Road-Libertad

Alas-sinko ng hapon, si Manong Pare sumakay ng jeep sa Pasay Road na pa-Liberty.



Mukha syang average na taong kagagaling lang sa trabaho at gusto nang umuwi - nka-polo, slacks at may laptop bag pa ang arti.

Pero pagka-upo ni Manong Pasareho, bigla syang nagbago.

Si Manong naging Pastor Pasahero!



Ops! Wag daw po tayong mag-alala sabi ni Papa Pastor, wala daw syang hihinging money. Wala rin daw siyang bibigay na kahit anong pamphlet. Ang tanging ibibigay nya lang daw ay Words ni Lord.

At binigay nya nga, and more.

Take note, nag-preach din daw sya sa tren kung san iilan lang daw ang pumalakpak sa beauty niya.

Baket ganun?! say ni Papa P. Kung si Ate Guy daw at si Kuya Robin pinapalakpakan ng todo-todo, bat yung words daw ni Lord ni hindi man lang natin pinapansin. Hindi ba si Lord ang nagbigay ng hangin na libre nating bini-breathe?





O diba, kung na-guilty ka, papalakpak ka talaga.

At kung may bisyo ka, dapat ka rin daw na ma-guilty.

Sabi ni Papa P., nahumaling daw sya dati sa ABS-CBN.

A - Alak
B - Babae
S - Sugal
C - Chismis
B - Bungangera
N - Nagger

Aba, "pati katulong namin tinira ko! Nahuli nako ng misis ko, ayaw ko pa umamin! Nahuli nako, talagang di ako umamin!"

Kaya sabi ni Pastor Pasahero, `Halika't magdasal tayo. Pagdadasal ko kayong lahat na mabigyan kayo ng promotion, na dumami ang pera nyo, na makuha nyo na ang minimithi ng inyong puso, na maayos kayong maka-uwi sa inyong mga tahanan. Isara natin ang ating mga mata...

pwera ikaw Mamang Driver.'

At nagdasal nga si Papa Pasahero. Binless nya ang lahat na nakasakay sa jeep at nang matapos ay nagpasalamat sya at pinalakpakan din sya ng karamihan sa mga pasahero.

Ang mga hindi pumalakpak, "Ano ang gagawin natin sa kanila?"

`Bahala na ang Diyos sa inyo."

At bumaba na siya sa riles sa South Super Highway. May mga nagpasalamat na pasahero din kay Pastor P.

Pero ang iba, dedma. Ang iba pumikit at nagtulug-tulugan. Ang iba nag-text. Ang iba, walang kebs.

Para kasing komersyal si Pastor Pasahero - unsolicited, intrusive, annoying.

At tulad ng komersyal, kelangan nyo syang pakinggan,

kelangan nyo malaman ang mga sinasabi nya,

kelangan pansinin nyo sya,

wala siyang pakielam sa estado mo o kung may pinagdadaanan ka,

wala siyang pakielam kung gusto mong pakinggan siya,

ang mahalaga marinig mo ang sinasabi niya.

Syempre one-way communication lang. Tulad ng komersyal sa TV, radyo at mga billboard. Wala silang kebs kung gusto mo silang makita. Ang importante, makita mo sila. Wala silang kebs sa inyo. Kebs lang nila ang sarili nila.

Of course, kung may karapatan silang magpakita, magsalita at mag-ingay, may karapatan din ang iba na wag siya/silang pakinggan.

Thank you God.

Robin Tomas' shirt design is similar to a shirt made by a teen Freddie Mercury

See the shirt at 5:35 - 5:45 as shown by Freddie Mercury's mum Jer Bulsara.